December 22nd.

     December 22nd always gets me in a very emotional, very reflective mood. It has been a near-magical day for me on two separate occasions. I love December 22nd. I look forward to it every year. It's a day when I can remember what God has done in my life and the blessings I have. So many times, I am such an Israelite, you know? If you're unfamiliar with the story in the Bible, the Israelites were enslaved in Egypt and were miraculously, over a period of  time, freed from their bondage and led by Moses to the Promise Land. Well, you would think they would be the most grateful people ever, but they were just like us. They were given a gift and were so full of joy-just ecstatic that they were leaving misery and walking into freedom. But after a while, the realities of life set in and they began to complain. Some of their complaints were legitimate: food and drink related requests, "are we there yet?" kind of questions. When they would begin to grumble, God would remind them, sometimes forcefully about their previous condition and the way in which He had saved and was currently saving them. Time after time in the Old Testament the old story of the Israelites being freed would be retold to the masses as a way to humble them and make them see how good they truly had it. So I think it's good to take the same posture- to humbly remember, reflect, and realize how much we have to be thankful for this year.
     
     December 22nd, 1999. 
     My boyfriend of several years said we'd be having Christmas with his parents and brother at their family cabin. I thought to myself, "hmmmm...a little strange...no electric up there, no heat, no running water, in December? Interesting. Ok." So we drove up in the dark to the little cabin on the edge of the family farm. No one had arrived but us: "Looks like they're running late" he said as we approached the crest of the hill where the little cabin sat. We decided to head on in and get the fire burning in the fireplace. As we walked past the windows, I noticed a fire already burning "Huh. Grandpa must've been up here earlier" was my boyfriend's reasoning. We walked in and he placed another log on the fire, causing more light to shine around the small darkened room. The next thing I noticed was a cute little Christmas tree in the corner with oodles of bows tied on it's branches. Then, a little stuffed black bear under the tree with arms outstretched (I love black bears, so I was pretty stoked to see such a cute little gift under the tree.) "Is this for me?" I asked, kneeling down to pick it up. And where WAS my boyfriend anyway- he had suddenly gotten all quiet on me. Then I heard his voice behind me. "It is...and so is this."I turned on my knees and was face-to-face with Jarrod. He was holding a white box with the most beautiful diamond  ring I had ever seen. And he asked me to be his wife. And I said yes. And it was the best December 22nd of my whole life. On that day, God brought us together and began a ministry that still goes on today. We got married in 2001, felt really called into ministering to young adults like ourselves in 2003, taught ourselves how to play piano and guitar that year, and started leading others in worship. We still do. There is something so amazing and special about sharing something like that with your spouse. Sometimes it's tough to juggle our kids and schedules and make it work, but with lots of help (thanks to our families) we are able to make music together and point others to God. There are no words strong enough or positive enough to describe this life we share together. And it all started with a couple of teenagers in love!  So on December 22nd each year, the first memory I start with is that one. So much hope, so much joy, so much love. Such promise and a lifetime worth of blessings. 


     December 22nd, 2005. Six years later. Such a beautiful life I had. I was enjoying being married to my best friend so much. But something was missing. We just weren't complete. And I was more frustrated than I had ever been in my life. For a year, we had tried to get pregnant. A year of anticipation and constant disappointment. We went through medical testing and there were some definite obstacles for me. I was in the middle of an endocrine system mutiny. If you know anything about the human body and hormones, it only takes one little thing to be out of whack and you can have some serious problems on your hands. I was essentially told that it would be difficult, if not impossible for me to conceive. I think the most frustrating part wasn't that I wasn't getting pregnant. I think the hardest part was knowing that God was in control, knew how badly I wanted this, but He was not working on my schedule. No amount of pleading, praying, crying, or worrying could make Him budge. The whole situation was impossible. But friends, as  the angel told Mary, "Nothing is impossible with God." And so on December 22, 2005 I was waiting again. Christmas was approaching, I had just gone through a day of teaching 6th graders and I was ready for my Christmas break. But more than that, I was ready to know why I felt so weird. I sat in the doctor's office. Again. My doctor and a nurse were leaning over a pregnancy test saying, "Nope. I'm sorry..." I thought for sure this time was THE time. I felt completely hopeless. Again. But then he said, "Wait...do you see that line?" And he contorted his arm this way and that, holding the test up to the fluorescent light. "I think I see a line. Do you see it?" he asked the nurse. "Yep. That's a line. It's a faint one, but it's a line." She smiled at me. I couldn't speak. They sent me for a blood test to be sure and an hour later, my doctor called. "Merry Christmas Carrie. You're going to be a Momma." That was the December 22nd when my outlook on life instantly changed from bleak, frustrated, angry, discouraged, and absolutely downtrodden to hope. Blessed hope. 


     But it gets even better. Christmas Eve, 2005. Jarrod and I could hardly keep the news to ourselves, but we had these adorable little Christmas boxes for everyone to open on Christmas morning announcing the big news. People didn't make it easy for us to keep our secret. My Mom, who I love so much and am so thankful for, shared with me that she had been praying for me to have a baby. And that God had made it clear to her that I would have one. She had been taking daily walks to the creek where we had played as children. She would spend time asking God to grant us our request. And one winter's day, she knelt down on the creek bank and swirled her hand in the cold water. Some brown leaves on the creek bed swirled and underneath was a perfect, green leaf. In December. With tears streaming, she told me that Christmas Eve that she knew God was creating new life. Little did she know that new life had already been created and was growing within. It was at that moment that I knew the power of prayer, the beauty of an answered prayer, and the extreme level of gratitude that comes only at the end of a long wait and struggle. 


     A lot of people have a "life verse" from the Bible. For me, I have sort of a "life Bible story". It's the story of the blind man in John Chapter 9. The guy is blind and has been from birth. The disciples ask Jesus, "what's the deal with this guy- did his parents sin? Is that why he's blind?" And Jesus says in verse 3, "It was not because of his sins or his parents' sins," Jesus answered. "This happened so the power of God could be seen in him." 


 I like to think that many of our struggles can be directly correlated to this verse. So many of you reading this can probably look back to a time in your life when you went through a terrible trial in life only to come out on the other side of it full of wonder and awe when you discovered what the Lord had been doing in the midst of the situation. But we can only have these realizations if we take the time to remember. That is what December 22nd is all about for me. I love to go through the pictures and remember what it felt like to be inside of those days. And so, this Christmas, I hope that you can all take some time to remember. I would love to hear some of your own "December 22nd" stories. 

                                      Merry Christmas and Blessings for the coming year.