That We Should Walk In Them

I've always been a bit of a daydreamer. My mind is truly a fantastic place to be. I love the imagination that God has given to me and lately, I have been considering: what should I do with it?

You see, I have these huge, gigantic things I want to do in my lifetime. They aren't huge, gigantic things for my own comfort or benefit either. In fact, there may be a degree of discomfort involved in the process of seeing these huge things come to life.

They are so huge, I don't even want to put them into words yet.

But He knows. He, being the One who knit me together. The One who knew my name before I was even a thought in my Mother's mind. The One who put the dreams and ideas and active imagination into my brain in the first place.

How do I know they are dreams from above?

Because they are big dreams. Big dreams that I can't ever possibly pull off on my own. Life-changing dreams, not necessarily for me, but for a world in desperate need. And the enemy tries to stomp them in the dirt under his angry shoes and say things like, "you're nobody from nowhere. How can you possibly think that ____ could ever happen?" Have you ever heard that mocking voice questioning your goals and making you think they're impossible? On our own strength, yes. These goals and dreams and callings we have are impossible. But that's where God comes in. His power is made perfect in our weakness.  His power makes the impossible become possible.

And also, this:

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

God already knows what the good works are that you and I are destined to complete. Because He had them in mind before, (and as) He created you to walk on this planet at this time. And He wants you to walk in them. Not sit and look at them. Not toy with the idea of them. But to walk in them. As in, NOW.

If you feel disqualified by sin or stopped by mistakes in the past? Consider that the very moment you are reading this has been ordained. Every moment of your life up until now has been part of a plan. All the ups and downs. Every past moment has led you to NOW. Tonight will lead you to tomorrow, and the next few days will build up (or tear down) your path into later next week, and next month, and ten years from now. Don't let a misguided meander in the past dictate your path today.

Because the big question isn't about the past. The big question is: What can you do today? What can you do right now to begin fulfilling the plans God has for you? And maybe they aren't gigantic. And that's ok. God has the audacity and the authority to call anyone anywhere, to do anything anytime.

In this season of your life, maybe your biggest work of the moment is to be a faithful spouse and joyfully love your husband or wife.

Or maybe it's to simply be at your job on time and earn an honest wage while respecting your boss and colleagues.

Or maybe it's to tenderly care to the needs of your young children all day everyday- to wipe their noses and make their chicken noodle soup and applaud their crayon-scribbled pictures.

There is no ranking of importance here in His Kingdom. In this world, there is an uphill battle to reach the top of the game- to gain the notoriety- the spotlight- the accolades- the platform.

But God, more often than not, can do a whole lot more with the sold-out heart of country folk from the backwoods-middle-of-nowhere who are willing to live a pure, humble, honest life. The kind of person who opens their hands to heaven and whispers, "this life? It's not about me. It's about YOU. What would YOU like me to do?"

So the first step to living out the dream He has for you- no matter the size, is to hold it out in your hands, and give it back to the God who planted it in your heart to begin with. To say, "Here. You know this thing better than I do. You made it. Now let's create the reality of it together."

Then, it becomes a delicate mixture of sit-back-and-watch and get-up-and-go.

In the times where we find ourselves waiting and wondering, we must lean on the love of God. In the times where we feel confident and are moving ahead steadily, we must lean on the love of God. Because that's where our inspiration, our strength, and our focus come from anyway. His love.

Because that's what matters at the end of the day. Nothing (Read it again.) NOTHING can separate us from His love. Nothing we can or cannot do. No dream, no disappointment, no things past, present, or future, can keep us away from His love.

And to me, the ultimate dream-come-true has already come true: A lifelong love relationship with the God who knows me best. Not just in this life, but in the eternal one to follow.

But in the meantime, it's kind of fun to let my imagination run wild. I, for one, am ready to run this path that He has prepared beforehand for me. Who's with me?

Identity Crisis?

Hello friends. What on earth have I been doing all this time NOT blogging on here? You'd think I had dropped off the face of the planet. It's nothing quite that dramatic, I assure you. It's been a busy few months here at the Crawford house. We've had all the usual hustle of the holidays and a layer of general busy stuff on top of that. Plus, I have had the great joy and excitement of stepping in to some incredible songwriting. I have been taking part in songwriting coaching from Gabriel Wilson of Bethel Church in Redding, CA for a few months and my songwriting has shifted in to full gear. I eat, sleep, and breathe lyric and melody. I am totally diving in to this. It is where I belong- breathing in the revelation of God and breathing out lyrics and melody to capture and propel the response. Some unexpectedly incredible things are going on right now in songwriting world, but more on that some other time...suspenseful, I know.


I am reading a great book right now by Lisa Bevere called "Lioness Arising". There's a picture of an angry female lion stalking prey through some kind of tall grass of the African plains on the cover. I like Lisa Bevere's writing very much, but I was a bit leery of the content based on the cover. But it was 8 bucks, so I figured why not? Worst case scenario, I have a book with an angry lion on the front cover sitting on my bookshelf.


This book is ROCKING my world. And I am only on the third chapter. One page in particular is screaming at me. When a page in a book causes me to sit straight up, nearly gasping at the content, and I notice my heart beginning to hammer in my chest while at the same time hearing the whisper of the Holy Spirit saying, "This. You need this. Right here." I naturally want to see if it connects with anyone else. So, gentle reader, I'm just going to toss it right here for you to peruse. Maybe it's just a word for me, but I have a suspicion that this is a journey many of us need to start. Today.

With the birth of my son Arden Christopher (his name means 'fiery, determined, anointed one'), something within me shifted. Even though another child meant more of a mother load, I became a focused daughter. You see, like many other mothers, my God-connected self had been strained. I was almost at a point of drowning in my day-to-day life. I was so caught up with my ever-expanding and increasingly demanding to-do list, I'd forgotten who I was. I was full of self-doubt. My life was small, self-centered, isolated, petty, safe, and ineffective. I remembered my name, whom I was married to, and who my kids were, but what I did and who I was responsible for overshadowed my sense of being God's daughter. As I paused, God began to whisper strength to me and to call me by another name. To everyone else, I had a name that was attached to a job description. I was mother to my children, wife to my husband, pastor's wife to the congregation, but to God Most High, I was simply daughter. As I focused on just being His and what all that meant, life and strength flowed into my days, and rest entered my soul. My heart enlarged. (Bevere, Lioness Arising, P.10)

As I read this, it echoed some thoughts I shared with a dear friend of mine earlier in the day,

"What does God say about me? I think He sees a woman segmenting herself in all directions- His daughter who struggles to have a mind clear enough to hear from HIM. a Mom who just wants to raise 3 babies to know and love God, to be a good wife to a man who often proves he is a way better human being than I am. I want to do ministry well. I have huge dreams for my songs! I want to grow a garden. I want to keep a tidy house. Save money. Get in shape. Keep everyone fed and healthy. My plate is FULL! My mind is RACING! But God sees the heart behind it all- a daughter desperate to truly see Him and know Him."

We all have a variety of roles that we fulfill. That's not a bad thing. The bad thing is when we calculate our value through the lens of what we can do or how well we can do it. Because guess what happens when those things we can do are shaken in some way? Or what about when we fail in an area? When we can't decipher what our identity even IS anymore?

We feel of little to no worth or value to ourselves or anyone else.

This is not the way God intended.

It is time that we find our strength. Renew our passions. Dare to dream God-sized dreams. Step in to our destiny.

But the approach is not as active as you'd think. Yes, there is a time for the "doing", but the "being" is much more critical to begin with. You can't muscle your way through this life. This isn't a pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps kind of thing we're talking about here. You can't just fire off of the starting line without first having realized your only worth comes from belonging to the only One who is Worthy.

Your salvation requires you to turn back to Me

and stop your silly efforts to save yourselves.

Your strength will come from settling down

in complete dependence on Me. -Isaiah 30:15

Settling down. Complete dependence. Being a child of the Most High God.

No striving. Just resting in His strength.

When you're tempted to look at all the ways you're sinking, arms flailing in the heaving depths of the ocean of not-good-enough, look to the One who calls out to the storm, "Peace! Be still!" and hear Him yelling those words not only to the storm surrounding, but also to your heart as you're holding on for dear life.

Yes, Lord. I am listening. I am captivated by Your grace and Your love. I am resting in Your powerful embrace. You are awakening me again to the powerful truth that I am Yours. Let hope arise.

A Timely Word

     It's always amazing to me, no matter how many times it has happened- and there have been many times- when the Word of God speaks to me just when I need it most.  When it hits me right where I need to be hit. When it provides counsel and peace and wisdom.

    We're going through such a season of transition right now, particularly with our oldest sons. It's enough to make a Mom's head explode. Seriously. Silas switched from a tiny, private Christian school last year, to a large, public school this year. We seem to have all the nerves and emotions somewhat under control. But he's so anxious (both the good and bad kind of anxious) about school, that he's waking up way before the roosters across the road even think about crowing. This then puts him in a foul mood for the day and he's a grump all evening. Not pleasant. A minor issue in the grand scheme of life, but an issue nonetheless. 

Then there is my sweet Cohen. He has gone from a happy-go-lucky, peaceful, chill kid to a nervous wreck. Everything has changed for him with starting preschool and having to step out from the shadow of big brother to become his own person- to seek his own identity. And it has been downright hard. Once at school, he loves it. But always the night before and the morning of, he is panicked. Tears. Worried face. Even upset stomach. It is wearing us all thin. No intervention, no promise, no bribe has changed this. No matter what I say, his fears are too strong to be overcome.

Add on a 19 month old with a burgeoning need for independence (and injuries that go with it), the fact that we've all had some kind of sickness running through our family since early September, along with all the usual things of life-and it's a recipe. A recipe for doubt and hopeless sighs and frustration. 

But then, the Word of God cuts through. I was sitting with my Bible on Saturday and randomly opened it to Isaiah (sort of a Bible Roulette, if you will. Sometimes, this results in turning to a scripture listing a family treeful of names, or how to properly store grain, but for the most part, this can be a fruitful exercise.) Isaiah 40:11 was right there at the top of my page: 

He will tend to His flock like a shepherd;

He will gather the lambs in His arms;

He will carry them in His bosom;

And gently lead those that are with young.

I was so intrigued by this passage. Some commentary study (Matthew Henry's) yielded the following passage that brought me a ton of peace:

 He takes particular care of those that most need his care, the lambs that are weak, and cannot help themselves, and are unaccustomed to hardship, and those that are with young, that are therefore heavy, and, if any harm be done them, are in danger of casting their young. He particularly takes care for a succession, that it may not fail or be cut off. The good Shepherd has tender care for children that are towardly and hopeful, for young converts, that are setting out in the way to heaven, for weak believers, and those that are of a sorrowful spirit. These are the lambs of his flock, that shall be sure to want nothing that their case requires. [1.] He will gather them in the arms of his power; his strength shall be made perfect in their weakness, 2 Cor. 12:9. He will gather them in when they wander, gather them up when they fall, gather them together when they are dispersed, and gather them home to himself at last; and all this with his own arm, out of which none shall be able to pluck them, John 10:28. [2.] He will carry them in the bosom of his love and cherish them there. When they tire or are weary, are sick and faint, when they meet with foul ways, he will carry them on, and take care they are not left behind. [3.] He will gently lead them. By his word he requires no more service, and by his providence he inflicts no more trouble, than he will fit them for; for he considers their frame.

I think I forgot that sometimes, all we can do as parents, is pray and release the outcomes of our children into the able hand of the Good Shepherd. 

I can't get a grip on all these situations right now. But I know who can. 

I can't calm the irrational fears of my children. But I know who can. 

I can't always be right there for my kids during the day when they're away from me. But I know who can.

Father, thank you for letting me lean on You. Thank you for carrying us, my little lambs and I, when we need You the most. Thank you for caring about succession- that You will stop at nothing to see the continuation of generations who love and fear You. Thank You for the peace that comes from Your word and the way You always come through when I need you most. Let Your love, peace, joy, and the security that can only come from You, flood into my family right now. You are the one we cling to. Amen. 

Attention All Wives- This One Is For You!

I am writing to all of you dear ladies out there who have one of those guys we call a husband. I love mine dearly. He is my best friend in the whole world. He is helpful, kind, respectful, and leads our family well.

I. Love. Him.

We've been married 12 years and in those 12 years, we've done some growing together. I don't want to pretend here that I have the perfect marriage, but I also don't want to be falsely humble- so the truth is, I have a pretty awesome marriage. It's not perfect, but it's good. We don't have (and never have had) slamming-door fights or nights spent on the couch. In fact, we've never slept a night of our marriage apart (though we have found ourselves separated by ill children and the like, we've not ever been outside of the same structure at night time. And we feel pretty good about that record!)We work together, in partnership with God, to keep our love alive.

But lately, there is something that's bugging me. Not about my husband. (Ok, the way he leaves his dirty clothes on the floor next to the bed all the time kind of bugs me, but then again, my habit of washing his cup the moment it touches the counter bugs him, so we're even I suppose). What's bugging me is competition for my time. I feel awful to admit this, but if there is one person in my life that suffers because of my poor time management choices, it's my husband. All day long, as a Mom, I put aside what I want to do or even need to do for my kids, but somehow, when they go to bed, it's easy for me to say to him, "Hold on, I'll be there in a minute (which in reality means 126 minutes). Either that, or I am there next to him, but I'm not truly "there"- I'm distracted or zoned out after a long day. I feel like he sometimes gets the leftovers of my energy and I am tired of it.

Now to cut all of us moms a little slack, I do think after a day of little people tugging on you and getting covered with all kinds of goo and serving lots of snacks and cleaning up messes that we deserve some down time. Some quiet. Some peace even. I'm not insinuating that we don't deserve some alone time once in a while. What I am saying is that there is this guy who loves and supports me. Who works hard all day and would love to be a part of my world for a couple of hours a night and have me to himself. And honestly, I LOVE just spending time with my husband. He's fun! He's kind! We laugh together! We enjoy being with one another. It's just-wow-at the end of the day, sometimes I feel a selfish part of me coming to the surface. Sometimes I feel like it's easier just to retreat into mindless TV or Facebook or Pinterest than actually talk to him. Like with multiple words. Sentences even.

It's becoming clear to me that there is a war against and within marriage. It is a series of battles over small and large things. I don't believe we are fighting one another in these battles- no dear sister, we are fighting the enemy of marriage, the enemy of love: satan- the ultimate enemy and father of lies. He so wants us to be distracted and indifferent toward our spouse. Because he knows the power of a couple surrendered to God and one another and he's scared. And he should be! satan knows that God has designed marriage to be a shelter from the world where we can find strength and comfort. God has designed us to work together for the Kingdom. And that partnership can pose a real threat to the enemy. But somehow, that partnership often gets put on the back burner.

Attention all Wives- It's time to make our marriage the priority that it should be! Here are some simple things I am working on to do just that in my own marriage.

1. Make God the center of your marriage. Pray for your spouse. Throughout the day, as he comes to your mind, ask God to bless and protect him mentally, physically, and spiritually. Read the Bible or a book based on Biblical principles. If your marriage is struggling, read a Christ-centered book on marriage together. Talk about God. Worship together. If you think about your marriage and realize that God is not a part of it, make that the first change because it is the most important aspect. Ask God to give you more energy! We need that! He'll give you exactly what you need to do His will- and His will is for you to have a healthy marriage. So if you're lacking in an area- ask God for His strength and power in that area. Do not try to tackle fixing your marriage on your own strength. Ain't gonna happen.

2. Fix your schedule. Did God intend for families to be split up, taking kids to all manner of activities every evening of the week so that the husband and wife just see each other in passing on the driveway? Silly question. No He did not. Prioritize and rearrange. God first, Spouse second, Kids third. Activities fourth. Simple. Defend your time. You can say no to things. Try it. Your marriage and family are worth the temporary dejection someone else will experience. Also, think hard about your day and try, as best as you are able, to get your dishes, your laundry, all those joyful things done during the day to free up your evening time to spend with your spouse. I hate putting the kids to bed and then having to trudge through a dozen chores before finally getting to spend time with my man. Because by then, I am tired and feeling the fresh angst that comes with folding 8 baskets of laundry. I have 3 tornadoes, I mean children, in my house. I know all of this doesn't happen easily. If you're like me, you've got to relax your standards a bit. Something we are working on as a family is a 20 minute clean up time after dinner in which everyone participates. If they see something out of place in any area they clean it up. It makes the post-children's bedtime clean up that much easier and faster. This one is hard for me, but I'm trying. Time is precious. Organize it well. Use it carefully.

3. Put the Phone DOWN! Or TV or whatever other electrical entertainment device has found it's way into your life. Seriously. What is the benefit to your marriage of watching a movie or TV show together? Yes, it's relaxing, kind of entertaining...once in a while? Sure! Every single night INSTEAD of real intimacy? No. If you truly enjoy a show together, I am not saying that you should abandon that joy. What I am saying is that entertainment can detract and distract you from your spouse. Every time we have a power outage, we have no choice but to ditch the electronics and I always vow to NOT fall back into the trap of mindless entertainment once the power is restored, but alas, it is a trap that catches me so easily. Lots of things are vying for our attention. Something we're working on is setting a time limit of 20 minutes on news catch-up, or mindless surfing. When 20 minutes end, the devices need to go. Choose wisely how you spend your alone time. Which leads me to idea #4...

4. Have sex. I am going to be bluntly honest here. Having sex is a pretty obvious part of marriage.  But it's also something that we women tend to push aside selfishly. Sorry girls, but you all know it's true. Yes, we're tired. (I'm sure husbands are often tired as well). Yes, we have had a long day-especially if you work outside of the home AND have to deal with all the domestic stuff on top of all of that. But sex is important- not just for your husband, but for you too. And it can be enjoyed if we'll get our silly, selfish mind out of the way and be committed to making the choice to have sex regularly. What if we stopped thinking of it as something for "him" that we "have to do" and instead think of it as something for "both of us" that we "want to do"? I have heard so many women talk about sex as though it is a chore to be checked off on the to-do list and that makes me sad. It shouldn't be a duty. It should be a great part of your day! There is a study out there somewhere that says the more you have sex, the more you want to have sex. I'm pretty sure it's a real study anyway...if it's not then it should be. It's true! Sex is a beautiful, fun, God-given thing. Be willing to pursue sex. Regularly. If you're both in agreement that you're too tired once in a while, at least have some sleepy snuggle time. It may turn out you weren't that tired after all.  That's all I have to say about that. Moving on!

5. Make time. I'll tell ya- with all the stuff we have going on (and it's all good stuff) in our lives, it leaves little time for dates. This really makes me sad. I love a good date. We ask people to watch our kids all the time for the things we have to do, to the point where I feel bad asking people to watch them for things we just want to do. Plus, I like having our entire family together as much as possible in the evenings. If you can't go out on a formal date, create one at home. Improvise and be creative. Some spontaneity never hurts either. Candlelight chips and salsa. A massage. Sit on the porch swing together and look at the stars. Just whatever, ladies! Make something fun happen! Seasons of life dictate the frequency of dates. We are currently in a super busy season. But seize the moments when you can to get away and enjoy each other. Even if it's on the couch after the kids go to bed!

If you'll pick even just one of the things above and start working on it, I can, with certainty, promise that it will help your marriage. I'm going to be tackling all of them at once because that's just the type of personality I have. All or nothin'. Because I love the gift of my marriage. I want to steward it just as well as I do any other part of my life. I look at my husband playing with our kids, or falling asleep on the couch after a long day at work, or working on a house project and getting covered in drywall dust and I just think, wow. I am so blessed. God has given me a treasure that I can enjoy every day. I want to enjoy him to the fullest and take what's already great about our marriage and make it even more great. Maybe you read this and feel like your marriage could never thrive because it's not good right now, or you don't feel like your husband is on board. Take those feelings to God and ask Him to work in your marriage and then take small steps like those listed above to start investing into what you have. And build on it, and grow. There is potential for every couple, whether in a wonderful marriage, or a horrible marriage, to improve.

The best news is that God is for us. He is for marriage. He is for you. He is for your husband. And if God is for us, who or what can stand against us? Nothing! His love wins, which means that your love, when built on Him, can win too.

Ladies, let's make the commitment. Our marriages are well worth the effort. Who's with me?

A Modern Family's Guide to Surviving the Sabbath

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28-30 The Message

This is the message I keep hearing. Everywhere I look, every song I like, every book I read, every message I hear...REST. You have my attention, God! I am listening!

In my previous blog post about striving, I talked about my journey toward resting in obedience rather than striving and wrestling with God for control. It really resonated with people. This is a hot topic!

One of the things my husband and I have integrated into our family life in our quest for rest and seeking obedience in our walk with the Lord is observing the Sabbath. It's an interesting topic. One that people don't really feel they need or maybe feel as though it's an option. I'm here to tell you, it is an important practice in the Christian life! If you are not currently embracing the concept of taking a Sabbath rest, I encourage you strongly to try it! Your life will never be the same and you will NOT want to go back to the way you were before.

Life is busy. This is not breaking news to you. God knew that life would be busy. And so He modeled for us a way to break through the busy-ness of life and get away from the noise long enough to hear His voice. In Genesis 2, we see where God finished His work of creation, and then took a day to rest. People argue, "I'm not doing a Sabbath because that's Old Covenant." Sabbath existed before any covenant did! The precedent was set by God Himself! Kinda hard to argue against that.

You may think that you're too busy to "waste" your time on a Sabbath day. I don't know how to explain it, but since we have committed to keeping a Sabbath day, I've been able to get more done in 6 days than I ever could in 7.

We observe our day of Sabbath on Saturday since our Sundays are full with responsibilities at church. It's a wonderful feeling to go in to our worship experiences on Sunday with a rested heart and mind!

On paper, a Sabbath sounds wonderful! All this restful time and moments spent in solitude with God and reading the Bible...Well, in practice, it's different for us as a family with young kids. Over the last year, we've worked on making the Sabbath work for a family. Here are some ideas:

- First of all, if you have young kids...it's not going to be an incredibly restful experience! Remember those pre-children Saturday naps? Sabbath or not, those days are gone. However, one thing we try to do is have our kids all either nap or sit down for a movie or some video games in the afternoon so Mom and Dad can rest a bit. It may not be a nap, but it's not chasing kids around either! It's just a season of life- later on there will be time for lazy naps. Until then, take what you can get!

- I try as best as I can to minimize housework on our Sabbath day. I try to prepare as much food as possible the day before (or, my favorite, order pizza), we use paper plates (sorry environment...we do recycle though!), and I do my best to get all laundry and similar household work done the day before. I used to get really frustrated because I found myself still cleaning up after everyone. People, give yourself permission to not get the kitchen cleaned up on your Sabbath day. The mess will be waiting for you the next day. That said though, there's no reason to get legalistic about it. If you need to fold some laundry, wash a pan, or do some yard work, do it- particularly if it's something that you enjoy (like working in your garden). The point of the day is not to get nitpicky about what constitutes "work" and what does not. The point is to prioritize engaging in restful, meaningful activities and to take a break from the normal busy schedule of life.

- Plan something fun with the family- go to the park. Go swimming. Pull out some board games. All those little things that you've been hoping to get to all week long but haven't been able to? Do those. Ask your kids for input on something fun to do as a family and do it. If you have hobbies like sports or a particular craft or art activity, incorporate those into your day.

-Try to carve out some time for solitude. This could be a challenge, but for us, the way it works is my husband and I try to give each other some downtime by trading child-watching time. The way this might work is he plays with the kids for an hour while I go for a walk in the woods, or read a book or the Bible outside on the hammock. Then, we switch.

-Above all else, use the day as a way to recall together the many blessings in your life. Slow down and watch your kids play. Put on some worship music and sing together. Put the kids to bed early and enjoy some one-on-one time with your spouse. There is no formula to this- as you go through the day, just try to keep relaxation and enjoyment as your goal.


Particularly if you have a family with small children, your day of rest may not be all that restful. But it will be a change of pace in which you can enjoy life and take a break from working and the normal routine. Our kids look SO forward to Saturday "rest day", as they like to call it. They know that they will have time to do things they enjoy and that as a family, we'll be spending time together. It's a day we look forward to and a day that makes us appreciate the love and the life that we have.

SO if you're feeling frantic and pulled apart by how busy your life feels, even though it may seem counter-intuitive, take a day to rest. You will be amazed by how the Lord responds to your obedience to this necessary and highly enjoyable commandment. And you'll be amazed at how truly rested you feel!

Stop Striving!

I started WorshipU through Bethel church 10 weeks ago with a couple goals in mind- I wanted to pick the brains of some of the best songwriters in the worship music world and wanted to pick up some practical tips for how to be an awesome worship leader.

But God had other plans. I went in to this course work the same way I go in to every other venture and the way I approach every single area of my life- I wanted to "do" instead of "be". God quickly made it very clear to me that this time was not going to be practical, though I have learned some practical things. It was not going to be a time to sharpen my skills as much as it was going to be a time to soften my heart. He showed me that I operate primarily from a place of striving instead of from a place of rest. Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God" always just sounded like a kind suggestion or option for me. But now I realize it is a command and that I was willfully ignoring it.

It is a statement of fact to say that I have a busy life. I am married. I have three kids (boys, mind you) ages 1,4, and 6. We are still finishing our final touches on our house (and by "final touches", I mean things like "siding" and "drywall"). I work part time for our quickly growing church as the Director of Worship. Jarrod and I lead a Connect Group. In my spare time (what, wait, you mean there is spare time?) I write blogs and devotionals and songs and read loads of books. We go on camping adventures as a family. I hang out with my close family members often. I have a large garden I (try) to keep up with. I love to bake. I love to have a clean, organized house.

People, on a very regular basis say to me, "I don't know how you do it all." 

Well, I know how. I exhaust myself. Because I don't just "do" all the stuff above- I try to do it all perfectly. And here lately, especially in the areas of family and ministry, God has essentially put His hand out and said, "Stop." And I am so glad that He has.

Christa Black is the speaker at Bethel who has driven this truth in to my life more than anyone else. A wife, Mother, and amazing songwriter and musician in her own right, this lady is busy! And yet she knows the way to have a full life, but not a life that runs you over and makes you crazy.

Some of her wisdom: 
You can only love God as much as you know He loves you.

“Obedience is better than sacrifice.” In other words “To hear is better than your effort to do the right thing.” (1 Samuel 15:22)

• God’s obedience is shama (Hebrew) - To hear, to listen towards.
• Obedience is not rules. Obedience is towards a person. Obedience is about love. Obedience is all about relationship.
• Obedience is not the act of doing something.
• Obedience is not measured by the act I do or how well I perform.
• If you are going after discipline, discipline yourself to be in love-retreating into the presence and receiving and hearing.
• Receiving and hearing must come before doing.
• Resting and hearing inspires us to do things for Him.
• Obedience is an expression of love.
• God loves to be with His kids. It’s not about what we do or how we do it. He shows up when we seek Him.

I have a personality that loves to do and achieve. I despise process. Science and Math were always a huge waste of time to me, because I do not care HOW things happen, I just want them TO happen. And I will make them happen with a fierce determination. A person like me is an amazing wife, Mom and employee. Because I will work myself until the bitter end to get something done and to get it done well and try to please the people who matter in the process, subtly discarding the rest. I am the Western Industrial World's dream come true. Tireless, tenacious,hardworking, excellent. In other words, I have no idea how to rest. Call it "personality", call it "wiring", I thought I was stuck in this mindset. But you know, God is powerful enough to change personality. He is the master re-wiring expert. And He has changed my mind.

I don't believe God is opposed to people doing things. Jesus, after all, did a whole lot of "doing" in His life. But He always got away and listened before the doing.  

His relationship with God was more important than the results He got.

Excellence was the goal, not tidy perfection. Yes, Jesus was perfect and sinless, but a lot of the things He achieved on this earth were more than a little messy. The start of His life, being born in a filthy cave with livestock comes to mind, as does His brutal death on a cross. 

So this is what God has been speaking to me- louder than song ideas, louder than tips on how to manage a team of people, louder than how to be more skilled or organized. 

His voice is speaking loud and clear- "Carrie, I love you. Just slow down and let me love you." 

And that statement is a game changer. 

I've been so busy doing, that I forgot to be His daughter and let Him be the Father. I've been so busy being perfect that I forgot to value processes and people. I've worked so hard to get my voice heard, that I forgot to listen to His. And even worse, I have applied this "Just Do it!" attitude to my relationship with God- like somehow if I am good enough or work hard enough, I can earn His favor- a cycle that ends in complete frustration. 

And isn't this right where the enemy wants us? Spinning our wheels as hard as we can, but never leaving the rut? Burning out quicker than quick and never getting to our destination and certainly not picking other people up to take the ride with us?

This is the brand of sin I hate the most- the kind that comes in and robs you in broad daylight. 

I can't explain how thankful I am that I was lured in to doing WorshipU out of my own selfish ambition to "do" more. In the process, God has shown me that it's more important to "be". What it looks like practically is I'm not as worked up about things. If a dilemma comes up, I'm not going to scheme in my mind constantly. I'm not going to feel compelled to have a museum showroom level of housekeeping. My kids aren't going to go to bed without me saying goodnight because I have my head buried in a computer screen. I won't go to bed and find that my husband has been asleep for hours without me as I was finishing up working on songs that were very forced and not worth singing anyway. 

Achievement is not my goal anymore. Obedience is my goal. 

So basically, will I be less effective? Some kind of hippie just going with the flow living in a messy house being lazy? I believe quite the contrary. I'm still going to work hard at creating an atmosphere in my home, career, and hobbies, but it's going to be an atmosphere led by God. Not by me. I'm going to do things a little slower- because I need time to listen before I take off running to the finish line. 

I have traded in my old values: I have traded in Perfection for Excellence. Striving for Rest. Results for Relationships. Fear of Failing for Obeying His Voice.

If you're like me and feel caught in a never-ending grip of busy. If you're trying to muscle your way through life and make things happen. If you're often frustrated with the pace of things- nothing is happening fast enough. If time is passing by quickly but you didn't even see it coming. If your priorities are completely out of whack. Then BE STILL.

 It's going to be a process for me. I'm always going to have a tendency toward being a Martha rather than a Mary (Luke 10) But I didn't even really know I was trapped before. I thrived on the striving. But the feeling of resting in obedience and receiving His love has by far replaced the thrill of achievement.

I don't have to do it all. His grace is nothing I can earn anyway. His gift can't be repaid. All the things of God must be received with an open heart and out of obedience, we will do more than we ever imagined. Not because of us, but because of Him. That's the kind of life I strive for now. 

"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me; and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish and no one will snatch them out of My hand.” (John 10:27)

When Hope is Gone

When bad things happen, we feel that breath of hope that was filling our lungs escape our lips. And we feel empty. We are left with questions about life and God and why and how.

Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word. 2 Thessalonians 2:16

We have hope because of God's grace- that grace is the reason we hope.

Who is this grace available to?
This grace is available to people who have


1. Made Christ their Savior ("Now may OUR Lord") and


2. those who have placed their future in God's hands and see Him as a loving Father guiding their life ("and God our Father") releasing anxiety, trusting God with the future.

This is something I have always struggled with and that God has given me a lot of victory over in the past few years. I used to be the queen of what-if. I would get so down if things weren't going the way I thought they should go. My mind would swirl with all the negative possibilities. But I now realize that it’s crucial to release the outcomes to God. Let go of tension and stress. This is not only a good thing for us personally, but also important for the Kingdom. People around us are not going to be drawn to Christ if they see us worried, anxious, and hopeless. So if we have Christ as our Savior and allow God to guide us, our hope should be evident to the world-

1 Peter 3:15:
But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the HOPE that is in you;

But how often do we NOT stand out as being hopeful?

This past week at the grocery store, I looked at the faces of the people around me and there just isn’t a lot of hope in the world right now. People are so weighed down by their problems. Even in my family, we've had some hope stolen in the past couple weeks as Jarrod's dear Grandmother passed away. A young girl in Logan was recently and tragically killed in a car accident, leaving a town and family in shock. It's at times like this that our hope takes a hit.


Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:1-5

The reason why so many people come in to church week in and week out with defeat in their lives, unable to worship, unable to live out their calling and purpose is because they aren't putting their hope in the grace of God. They aren't leaning into the Holy Spirit's power to get them through rough times. They are hanging their heads in shame and are unable to enter into worship because they feel hopeless- they aren't accepting His grace and they aren't actively receiving His love. The reason that people will turn to drugs, alcohol, sex, or any number of other fixes to numb their hurts, is because an enemy wants them to not only be hopeless, but also to be destroyed.

There is an easier way.

Burdens of life are heavy, but the grace of God lifts our burdens.


Matthew 11:28-30 The Message
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

How many of you could use some life recovery?

How many of you could use a real rest?

Friends, we need to replace our hope in the temporal and find our hope in the grace that God gives us:

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God. Psalm 43:5

Are you dragging something around that you need to let go of?
Do you feel guilty?

Do you harbor sorrow for something you couldn't stop from happening, couldn't fix, couldn't make better but you can't let go?

Do you feel loaded down with responsibility for someone else's behavior or addiction or feelings?

Do you have anger you can't let go of?

Do you have hurt feelings, embarrassment, anxiety?

We drag all these things around with us. We let them take up space within us. We've been carrying them so long we don't know what to do without them.


And it all makes our hearts and souls heavy. So heavy.

What would happen if we were to lay down our burdens? What would happen if we gave these things up? What would happen if we just would let God love us?


Take some time to pray about what is stealing your hope and ask that God would replace that with His grace and His abundant love.

On paper, write a burden (or a list of them!) weighing you down. If you are willing to release the burden, get rid of it in some way! Rip it to pieces, burn it, trash it in whatever way you wish. But DO get rid of it.


His grace is enough. Our hope is found in Him alone.


"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11


Perfect song for this topic:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmnGtfpmy-Q Spend some time alone with Him and place your life in His capable hands.