As this Holy Week begins, I can't stop thinking about Jesus. And this short, two-word phrase keeps coming to my head: "Jesus knew."
He was plunging headlong into a week where He'd have to quickly impart all of the last minute directions, admonitions, and encouragement to His best friends He'd be leaving behind. And Jesus knew that as He went in to this week.
He had a brutal death ahead of Him in which the stench and weight of the world's most vile, putrid sin would be placed directly upon Him. He knew this in advance.
He was well aware that He would be betrayed and denied by those He had poured His life's mission into. As He knelt, tenderly washing their worn feet, He knew. As they broke bread together and He explained the trial and hardship to come, He grasped the enormity of it all. The disciples did not fully understand, but He knew what was about to unfold.
What kind of person can put one foot in front of the other and keep going, knowing full well the kind of hell that lies just ahead?
Here's an even greater implication: What can we learn about how to go through the process of trials from Jesus' last week on earth? Though while clothed in human frailty He cried out to the Father in pain, feeling the full weight of dark separation from Him on the cross, He did not waiver in His dedication to see the plan of salvation to completion. He knew exactly what was ahead of Him. But He persevered and He fulfilled the Father's purpose for Him with humility and with His eyes set on the greater glory ahead anyway.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3
Jesus didn't only know about the hard things that were coming, but also of the glorious, eternal things that were coming. He knew that the redemption of all mankind would be bought through His willingly nail-pierced hands and feet.
For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross...
His eyes weren't fixed on the hard. His eyes were fixed on the joy. The joy of being welcomed home by His well-pleased Father. The joy of knowing His Spirit would soon come to dwell in the hearts of all who would believe. The joy of considering you and me, way off in 2015, reading this at this very moment, hearts longing for oneness and communion.
All of this was on His mind this week so long ago. Jesus knew all He was going to endure and He did it anyway. He did it for love, He did it for glory, He did it for YOU.
Because He knew and He did it anyway, we have not only an example to look to, but a power to step IN to. There is an invitation. And it is your choice alone whether or not to accept it. You can place your life and your trials and your joys and your pains and your questions into the hands of the One who knows what is ahead. And what is ahead, friend, is greater than anything behind or even in front of you now.
There are so many things we do not know, but in His ultimate sufficiency, Jesus knows and invites you into the glory of His Kingdom that we can taste now on earth, and feast upon in Heaven. As we trudge at times, through difficult circumstances, may we rest in the joy of being known by the One who knows and sees all through eyes of humble, merciful love.
Monday, March 30, 2015
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Pre-Surgery Prep and Prayers
Hi All!
Tomorrow is the last surgery for my breast cancer saga. The final chapter! It's finally here! People have been asking what the surgery is for- When I had my double mastectomy back in October, they placed tissue expanders (think rigid water balloons with metal ports and hard sides that pinch and rub against the ribcage...) in under my pectoral muscles and slowly inflated them with saline water injections. So tomorrow is when they remove those expanders and put the actual soft, wonderful implants in. It is an outpatient surgery and I will be home later in the evening. Easy peasy. A newly reconstructed chest that's going to look fantastic for yeeeears? If there is one benefit to all of this, that would be it. Thank You, Jesus!!!
From what I hear, it's not nearly as difficult as the surgery I had back in October. I should be back up and running around in no time. Which is a good thing for a busy Mom like me!
People are asking how they can help- I think we are pretty well set, but I would love to have your prayer support. Specifically, you can pray for the following:
- Successful surgery with a quick recovery time! You can pray for my surgeon, Dr. Cabiling, who I consider to be a rock star. He is so, so good at what he does. So blessed to have him as my surgeon.
- The hardest thing during the healing process is to not be able to pick up my little Sawyer. I love picking him up and snuggling with him. Alas, there is a 10 pound weight restriction for a good month or more, and he hasn't weighed 10 pounds for a couple years... He will have plenty of snuggle time with my Mom, who was laid off from her job last week as of Friday. Though unfortunate, the timing is impeccable as she will be a huge, huge help to us over the next few weeks. But be praying for her also- for the next door of employment to open.Prepare the way, Lord!
-I am using this recovery period as a time to intensely seek the Lord and His next steps for our family in regards to many things and would love prayer for guidance. I want to hear from Him before we move forward into our next phase of ministry. I strongly believe that God has some major changes and things ahead for us. I am excited, but want Him to lead. So this seriously could not have come at a better time. Feels like we're on the cusp of something new and something big. It's daunting and exciting and humbling and crazy all at once. I am still writing and working on my book concepts, and will be hopping in to album writing and production soon enough. I hope to write a women's Bible Study on my What If message and launch into that in a couple months. SO MANY THINGS!!! Where last year was full of change, doubt, worry, and loss, this one is going to be marked with TRANSFORMATION, TRUST, WONDER, AND RESTORATION!
- Please pray for my kids and Jarrod. Cohen, my middle, is really in a phase of needing his mommy these days. Please pray for peace for them.
- Joy! I have been writing this word in my journal since October. Joy. Joy. More Joy! Life can get so hard and weird. This year has been the weirdest hardest time for us in so many ways. But we choose JOY! Because these momentary trials...are nothing compared to the glory that awaits us and lives inside of us even now! And we now know that they truly do make us stronger. Pray for our joy to increase (pray that over yourself too!)
You all have been so supportive. So kind. So understanding. So generous. Truly, words fail when I consider a way to say thank you. So know that my heart is full and that you are deeply loved. Let's just praise God together for how He has saved my life on all levels. Without His miraculous intervention, this story could have turned out way differently. But instead, He has grown my character, enlarged my faith, helped me to re-prioritize, given me a heart that forgives and wants to help others, and has placed a new longing for all that He is. He is calling me to greater things. And I am so glad that you're all a part of it.
Much Love and Many Thanks,
Carrie
Tomorrow is the last surgery for my breast cancer saga. The final chapter! It's finally here! People have been asking what the surgery is for- When I had my double mastectomy back in October, they placed tissue expanders (think rigid water balloons with metal ports and hard sides that pinch and rub against the ribcage...) in under my pectoral muscles and slowly inflated them with saline water injections. So tomorrow is when they remove those expanders and put the actual soft, wonderful implants in. It is an outpatient surgery and I will be home later in the evening. Easy peasy. A newly reconstructed chest that's going to look fantastic for yeeeears? If there is one benefit to all of this, that would be it. Thank You, Jesus!!!
From what I hear, it's not nearly as difficult as the surgery I had back in October. I should be back up and running around in no time. Which is a good thing for a busy Mom like me!
People are asking how they can help- I think we are pretty well set, but I would love to have your prayer support. Specifically, you can pray for the following:
- Successful surgery with a quick recovery time! You can pray for my surgeon, Dr. Cabiling, who I consider to be a rock star. He is so, so good at what he does. So blessed to have him as my surgeon.
- The hardest thing during the healing process is to not be able to pick up my little Sawyer. I love picking him up and snuggling with him. Alas, there is a 10 pound weight restriction for a good month or more, and he hasn't weighed 10 pounds for a couple years... He will have plenty of snuggle time with my Mom, who was laid off from her job last week as of Friday. Though unfortunate, the timing is impeccable as she will be a huge, huge help to us over the next few weeks. But be praying for her also- for the next door of employment to open.Prepare the way, Lord!
-I am using this recovery period as a time to intensely seek the Lord and His next steps for our family in regards to many things and would love prayer for guidance. I want to hear from Him before we move forward into our next phase of ministry. I strongly believe that God has some major changes and things ahead for us. I am excited, but want Him to lead. So this seriously could not have come at a better time. Feels like we're on the cusp of something new and something big. It's daunting and exciting and humbling and crazy all at once. I am still writing and working on my book concepts, and will be hopping in to album writing and production soon enough. I hope to write a women's Bible Study on my What If message and launch into that in a couple months. SO MANY THINGS!!! Where last year was full of change, doubt, worry, and loss, this one is going to be marked with TRANSFORMATION, TRUST, WONDER, AND RESTORATION!
- Please pray for my kids and Jarrod. Cohen, my middle, is really in a phase of needing his mommy these days. Please pray for peace for them.
- Joy! I have been writing this word in my journal since October. Joy. Joy. More Joy! Life can get so hard and weird. This year has been the weirdest hardest time for us in so many ways. But we choose JOY! Because these momentary trials...are nothing compared to the glory that awaits us and lives inside of us even now! And we now know that they truly do make us stronger. Pray for our joy to increase (pray that over yourself too!)
You all have been so supportive. So kind. So understanding. So generous. Truly, words fail when I consider a way to say thank you. So know that my heart is full and that you are deeply loved. Let's just praise God together for how He has saved my life on all levels. Without His miraculous intervention, this story could have turned out way differently. But instead, He has grown my character, enlarged my faith, helped me to re-prioritize, given me a heart that forgives and wants to help others, and has placed a new longing for all that He is. He is calling me to greater things. And I am so glad that you're all a part of it.
Much Love and Many Thanks,
Carrie
Thursday, March 5, 2015
When Will You Believe That You're Beautiful?
My husband said something that absolutely stopped me stone cold still last night. As we were drifting off to sleep, I was talking to him about my upcoming surgery and sharing some fears and concerns. I waffle back and forth between being absolutely comfortable with all that is going on physically with me with my breast cancer struggle, and being absolutely mortified. It is a very sporadic pendulum. I am sure it will become less wobbly in time, but for right now, it is just where I am.
I have never been the kind of person who is incredibly concerned about appearance. I can go to the grocery store in sweat pants, no make up, hair crazy and not give it a second thought. I prefer to look well-groomed, but as a Mom of 3, I have learned that isn't always necessary. I am comfortable in my skin. But now my skin has these scars. They are WAY better looking than many pictures I have seen. My plastic surgeon is seriously a miracle worker. His stitches are about the cleanest thing I have ever beheld. But still, the fact remains, that I have these big scars going across my chest. For months, I have had a very misshapen,asymmetrical look going on and I KNOW it will look better after this next surgery. But still. It makes me sad.
So last night, I was lying there being all gloom and doom about my present state, but faithfully injecting little statements like, "but at least I don't have cancer anymore" and "but praise God that it's all almost done." And then I said, "but I'm never going to be the same again. I'm never going to be who I was. I'm never going to look normal or attractive for you ever again, Jarrod, and I know it's not my fault. But still, I'm SO sorry."
And he leaned up on his elbow and his eyes were trying to find mine in the dark. And then he said, "You can keep on playing this game for as long as you want. But when will you believe me when I say that you're beautiful?"
Whether you have been through a traumatic body experience such as mine with breast cancer, or you just struggle a bit with your view of your body for any reason at all, these are the words that you need to hear. Those words that my wise, merciful, loving husband spoke. Because he's right.
And those words aren't just coming from him, they are an echo of the voice of an even wiser, more merciful, more loving Heavenly Father.
We beat ourselves up. We hyperfocus on our imperfections to the point that we don't remember how fearfully and wonderfully made we are. We are tormented by those extra 10 pounds of baby weight and that mole on our face, or those grey hairs that multiply like baby bunnies overnight. The scars we see in the mirror remind us of awful things...but there is hope. There is acceptance. And there is love.
Jeremiah 31:3, The Message version says,
"God told them, “I’ve never quit loving you and never will.Expect love, love, and more love!"
Listen, God is not surprised. He is not disappointed.
His eyes are searching for yours and He is leaning up on one elbow, cupping your trembling chin in His strong hand and soothingly whispering to you:
"You can keep on playing this game for as long as you want. But when will you believe ME when I say that you're beautiful?"
I have never been the kind of person who is incredibly concerned about appearance. I can go to the grocery store in sweat pants, no make up, hair crazy and not give it a second thought. I prefer to look well-groomed, but as a Mom of 3, I have learned that isn't always necessary. I am comfortable in my skin. But now my skin has these scars. They are WAY better looking than many pictures I have seen. My plastic surgeon is seriously a miracle worker. His stitches are about the cleanest thing I have ever beheld. But still, the fact remains, that I have these big scars going across my chest. For months, I have had a very misshapen,asymmetrical look going on and I KNOW it will look better after this next surgery. But still. It makes me sad.
So last night, I was lying there being all gloom and doom about my present state, but faithfully injecting little statements like, "but at least I don't have cancer anymore" and "but praise God that it's all almost done." And then I said, "but I'm never going to be the same again. I'm never going to be who I was. I'm never going to look normal or attractive for you ever again, Jarrod, and I know it's not my fault. But still, I'm SO sorry."
And he leaned up on his elbow and his eyes were trying to find mine in the dark. And then he said, "You can keep on playing this game for as long as you want. But when will you believe me when I say that you're beautiful?"
Whether you have been through a traumatic body experience such as mine with breast cancer, or you just struggle a bit with your view of your body for any reason at all, these are the words that you need to hear. Those words that my wise, merciful, loving husband spoke. Because he's right.
And those words aren't just coming from him, they are an echo of the voice of an even wiser, more merciful, more loving Heavenly Father.
We beat ourselves up. We hyperfocus on our imperfections to the point that we don't remember how fearfully and wonderfully made we are. We are tormented by those extra 10 pounds of baby weight and that mole on our face, or those grey hairs that multiply like baby bunnies overnight. The scars we see in the mirror remind us of awful things...but there is hope. There is acceptance. And there is love.
Jeremiah 31:3, The Message version says,
"God told them, “I’ve never quit loving you and never will.Expect love, love, and more love!"
Listen, God is not surprised. He is not disappointed.
His eyes are searching for yours and He is leaning up on one elbow, cupping your trembling chin in His strong hand and soothingly whispering to you:
"You can keep on playing this game for as long as you want. But when will you believe ME when I say that you're beautiful?"
Let's end the game. Let's accept that these bodies are temporary placeholders for the glory and perfection that awaits us. I'm not saying we let them go to waste. We have a responsibility to treat them with utmost care. But let's go easy on ourselves.
When you've been touched by a love that oozes acceptance, understanding, and even appreciation for what you have endured, that's when image becomes less controlling. If you don't have a supportive person here on earth like the treasure of a husband I have been given, I am so sorry. But know that you have a heavenly Father who sees. Who knows. And who loves you just the way you are.
You are beautiful. I hope you will start believing it.
Sunday, March 1, 2015
What Comes Next? A Letter to the Brave Ladies of Rise Up
Dear Brave Sisters,
I am so proud of you. I am sure Jesus is proud too. Do you realize what you did yesterday? You let down the chains that were binding you. You were courageous enough to step out of the whirlwind of fear and into the gentle breeze of His grace. I am overwhelmed by the response to my story that I shared at Rise Up. If you weren't there- here is the very condensed version:
A good, beautiful, faith-filled friend of mine shared a thought with me last Summer when we were together at Bethel's WorshipU. She said, "you have to take your what-ifs and turn them into even ifs". At the time, I was going through some things in ministry that had caught me off guard. That phrase changed my life at that moment, by setting my mind at ease that "even if" I lost something that was very dear to my heart, God was still good, He still loved me, and still had a plan for my life. It was an act that turned WORRY into WORSHIP. A way of saying, "yet I will rejoice in the Lord" (Habakkuk 3:18)
Well, imagine my surprise just a couple weeks later when I, at the young age of 35, was told I had breast cancer. It was time to really test this "Even if" thing. It was a time of testing of every thought I have ever had about God. Did He really love me? Was He some distant God off in the clouds, not knowing what was happening to me, or anyone for that matter? Through my journey with cancer, I learned that YES, He loved me. And NO, He was not distant. In fact, He had never been closer. Instead of being inundated with "what ifs" like, What if I lose my hair? What if I die and leave my precious husband and three boys behind? What if my body is ruined? The Holy Spirit helped me to think with an eternal perspective: EVEN IF my hair falls out, my body is destroyed, or I leave this world way too early, HE IS STILL GOOD. HE IS STILL GOD. AND I KNOW HE LOVES ME. Thankfully, I made it through my journey with my hair, my life, and my body, more or less in tact.I still have scars, but have come to the conclusion that scars hold the redemption. Jesus was not ashamed to show the scars that showed His death and rebirth. We shouldn't be ashamed either. Without scars, the story is incomplete. The miracles He worked and the way He healed my body AND my heart leave me in absolute, stunned, awe.
So as I shared my What If to Even if perspective shift at Rise Up, I encouraged all the ladies in the room to make the shift too, to step out of fear and into acceptance and praise of God and His ways. Last night and today, I got a lot of messages from ladies impacted by the message contained in the two little words, "Even if". The response has so overwhelmed me, in fact, that I know in my heart that these weren't just two little words, but the start of a movement of women who want to trade worry for worship. I don't know what it looks like yet. And I don't know what to do next. But know that you have been heard. I want to make a way for you to know HOW to tell your story and a PLACE for you to do that.
So please follow my blog here, or watch Facebook for updates. I do have my last reconstructive surgery on March 11 and will be down for a couple weeks, but this is actually perfect timing! Plenty of uninterrupted time to think, to write, and to dream with God about what is next.
In the mean time, if you were at Rise Up and you are wondering, "What do I do next?" Here's the simple answer- do everything you can to get closer to God so you can hear His voice. Dig deeply into His word. Buy some new worship music. Get alone with God and let Him love you. Here is a warning though, please don't come out of Rise Up and plan to "fix yourself" or somehow make yourself "better". It does not work that way and you will quickly become ensnared in the trap of striving, works-based religion. His love and grace have got to be the basis for life change. Get together with some ladies for coffee and prayer and wrestle through the question of "what next". As you do these things, know I am praying for you. This is only the beginning.
Thank you, ladies, for your honesty and your desire to love Him.
I am so proud of you. I am sure Jesus is proud too. Do you realize what you did yesterday? You let down the chains that were binding you. You were courageous enough to step out of the whirlwind of fear and into the gentle breeze of His grace. I am overwhelmed by the response to my story that I shared at Rise Up. If you weren't there- here is the very condensed version:
A good, beautiful, faith-filled friend of mine shared a thought with me last Summer when we were together at Bethel's WorshipU. She said, "you have to take your what-ifs and turn them into even ifs". At the time, I was going through some things in ministry that had caught me off guard. That phrase changed my life at that moment, by setting my mind at ease that "even if" I lost something that was very dear to my heart, God was still good, He still loved me, and still had a plan for my life. It was an act that turned WORRY into WORSHIP. A way of saying, "yet I will rejoice in the Lord" (Habakkuk 3:18)
Well, imagine my surprise just a couple weeks later when I, at the young age of 35, was told I had breast cancer. It was time to really test this "Even if" thing. It was a time of testing of every thought I have ever had about God. Did He really love me? Was He some distant God off in the clouds, not knowing what was happening to me, or anyone for that matter? Through my journey with cancer, I learned that YES, He loved me. And NO, He was not distant. In fact, He had never been closer. Instead of being inundated with "what ifs" like, What if I lose my hair? What if I die and leave my precious husband and three boys behind? What if my body is ruined? The Holy Spirit helped me to think with an eternal perspective: EVEN IF my hair falls out, my body is destroyed, or I leave this world way too early, HE IS STILL GOOD. HE IS STILL GOD. AND I KNOW HE LOVES ME. Thankfully, I made it through my journey with my hair, my life, and my body, more or less in tact.I still have scars, but have come to the conclusion that scars hold the redemption. Jesus was not ashamed to show the scars that showed His death and rebirth. We shouldn't be ashamed either. Without scars, the story is incomplete. The miracles He worked and the way He healed my body AND my heart leave me in absolute, stunned, awe.
So as I shared my What If to Even if perspective shift at Rise Up, I encouraged all the ladies in the room to make the shift too, to step out of fear and into acceptance and praise of God and His ways. Last night and today, I got a lot of messages from ladies impacted by the message contained in the two little words, "Even if". The response has so overwhelmed me, in fact, that I know in my heart that these weren't just two little words, but the start of a movement of women who want to trade worry for worship. I don't know what it looks like yet. And I don't know what to do next. But know that you have been heard. I want to make a way for you to know HOW to tell your story and a PLACE for you to do that.
So please follow my blog here, or watch Facebook for updates. I do have my last reconstructive surgery on March 11 and will be down for a couple weeks, but this is actually perfect timing! Plenty of uninterrupted time to think, to write, and to dream with God about what is next.
In the mean time, if you were at Rise Up and you are wondering, "What do I do next?" Here's the simple answer- do everything you can to get closer to God so you can hear His voice. Dig deeply into His word. Buy some new worship music. Get alone with God and let Him love you. Here is a warning though, please don't come out of Rise Up and plan to "fix yourself" or somehow make yourself "better". It does not work that way and you will quickly become ensnared in the trap of striving, works-based religion. His love and grace have got to be the basis for life change. Get together with some ladies for coffee and prayer and wrestle through the question of "what next". As you do these things, know I am praying for you. This is only the beginning.
Thank you, ladies, for your honesty and your desire to love Him.
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Escaping The Crappy Pit of Despair
Blame it on more snow days than I can count and the chaotic non-schedule life that comes with them. Blame it on the lack of sunshine and warmth and all things green and lovely in this Arctic wasteland we call Ohio. Blame it on lack of sleep due to a husband's aching tooth (which is now removed from his mouth, Thank. You. Jesus). Whatever the reason, the last couple days have just been crap. Complete crap. I know on crappy days that they're crappy, but there just isn't a thing I can think of to do about it.
But this morning, on the third dawn of crappiness, my son did the most brilliant thing. He opened my Bible that was on the counter and his little pudgy hand landed on Romans 8:18-21:
That’s why I don’t think there’s any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what’s coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.
Word, son. Word. In reality, I'm just having a couple of tired Winter days. This is not a crisis by any means. But inside, sometimes we can feel crushed and angry and in despair for seriously no reason. We have to have the tools to get out of the pits that the enemy digs in front of us. All it took was the Word to start breaking in to my little pity party. Heavenly reality set me straight in the 30 seconds it took to read. The pit was exposed.
Once in them, these pits must be scaled and avoided at all costs. Run away! After Romans 8 happened today, I started thinking about lies I have secretly agreed with. They are what landed me into this mess. The best way to rid darkness from the heart is to bring it into the light. Here's a great, practical exercise you can do if you want to get your heart out in the open, healing light of God. Make a simple chart. Like this:
Friend, you are too loved, too powerful, too important to go around with awful ideas and lies locked in your head, guiding your every move and thought. It's time to come into the light. I encourage you to break apart every lie and every stronghold in your heart with the Word. What lies are you partnering with right now? And most importantly, what does God say about you instead?
Have a good day. Mine is 100% less crappy already.
But this morning, on the third dawn of crappiness, my son did the most brilliant thing. He opened my Bible that was on the counter and his little pudgy hand landed on Romans 8:18-21:
That’s why I don’t think there’s any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what’s coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.
Word, son. Word. In reality, I'm just having a couple of tired Winter days. This is not a crisis by any means. But inside, sometimes we can feel crushed and angry and in despair for seriously no reason. We have to have the tools to get out of the pits that the enemy digs in front of us. All it took was the Word to start breaking in to my little pity party. Heavenly reality set me straight in the 30 seconds it took to read. The pit was exposed.
Once in them, these pits must be scaled and avoided at all costs. Run away! After Romans 8 happened today, I started thinking about lies I have secretly agreed with. They are what landed me into this mess. The best way to rid darkness from the heart is to bring it into the light. Here's a great, practical exercise you can do if you want to get your heart out in the open, healing light of God. Make a simple chart. Like this:
Lies I Have Believed
|
What God Says About Me
|
My best days are behind me
|
"Behold, I will do a new thing!" (Isaiah 43:19)
|
I can't do anything well. I am taking on too many things and can't focus.
|
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” (Phil. 4:13)
|
I am having surgery in 2 weeks. I will
be weak and scarred, ugly, and tired.
|
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Cor. 12:9)
|
Friend, you are too loved, too powerful, too important to go around with awful ideas and lies locked in your head, guiding your every move and thought. It's time to come into the light. I encourage you to break apart every lie and every stronghold in your heart with the Word. What lies are you partnering with right now? And most importantly, what does God say about you instead?
Have a good day. Mine is 100% less crappy already.
Monday, February 9, 2015
You Let Me Catch My Breath
True to your word, you let me catch my breath and send me in the right direction. Psalm 23:3 (The Message)
There have been times in the past year where I literally felt like I couldn't breathe. The weight of decisions, the paralysis of fear, the stranglehold of worry all threatened to choke the life right out of this girl. It felt like a sprint at times. One that would not afford me any breaks. So many nights spent wondering what was going on. So many desperate prayers that led to me melting into the arms of the Father as He calmed me. And He spoke these soothing and inspiring words :"Keep moving forward and I will heal your heart."
The healing is here. Things that made no sense are starting to burst forth in full color. Where there was extreme, disjointed, misalignment, the pieces are all starting to click into place like cogs of a giant maze of gears. Forward motion is happening.
I couldn't be more moved, more thrilled, or more expectant. As I hit the one-month-until-my-final-surgery mark, I stand in awe of the way God has healed and restored me. He has truly given me months of much-needed rest, contemplation, and healing. He has taken what I thought I wanted and needed and replaced it with His dreams, His direction, and His plans for my life. He has let me catch my breath. I now feel like I am ready to move into the next direction. I've embraced the phrase, "When God closes a door, praise Him in the hallway." Well, the light on the other side of the darkened hall is starting to pierce through the cracks and crevices and keyholes. I'm still not certain of exactly what lies ahead, but I know that "all the promises of God find their yes in Him. That is why it is through Him that we utter our Amen to God for His glory. And it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has also put His seal on us and given us His spirit in our hearts as a guarantee." (2 Cor. 1; 20-22)
All throughout my life I have hit little valleys, where I huddled close to Christ and leaned upon Him until He cleared and leveled the path ahead. Usually, I didn't see His work until long after the fact as I considered, awestruck, how He perfectly orchestrated my coming and going. But this time, I can see it coming and I can see the pieces starting to click into place before my very eyes. I think the difference this time around is that I wasn't leaning into Him to get to the next step. No. I was leaning into Him to get more of Him. More of Jesus was my method AND my reward. And with a heart and body restored, and holding tightly to new promises, new revelation, new hopes and dreams, He and I step forward together with slow, steady breaths. He has set the course. The journey ahead will be carried out by only His strength.
What shift is happening in your life right now?
How are you being transformed?
Are you excited about the God adventure ahead of you?
If you're still in "the hallway", that's ok. Continue to lean into Jesus and stand firm on His promises for your life. If you're not sure what those promises are, dig into the Bible and mine them out.
And remember, though we want greater vision and clarity for the future, the true reward and the best outcome of spending more time with Jesus, is spending more time with Jesus! The clarity you'll get is just a bonus.
Be blessed, friends, and know that He not only HAS a plan for your life, but IS THE PLAN for your life.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Big Dreams, Bigger God
I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.
I CAN do ALL things through HIM who gives me strength! Phil. 4:13 (emphasis mine- we need to say those capitalized words with passion...it makes all the difference!)
It's a new year and a new chance to make some goals and some changes. I am currently mid- reconstruction following my mastectomy last Fall. I have my final surgery on March 11. After what should be a brief recovery, I can close this Breast Cancer Chapter. And move on. But move on to what? That is the grand question.
I do have a few ideas. They're crazy though. Ideas that a dish-doing, kid-raising, coupon-cutting Mom doesn't really have time or energy for...or does she? Well, this Mom does. I am declaring 2015 the year of Restoration. 2014 held too much destruction and change. I am tired of looking back and the only way for me is forward.
I am writing songs again. Songs that tell the story of a faithful God. Songs of healing and hope. I feel strongly in my gut that it's time to pound a stake in the ground and claim territory officially: I am a songwriter. I am a worship leader. These bring me joy and they are some of my biggest purposes on this earth. I feel like this is the year. It has all come to this.
I really, really, really feel called to make an album of my songs. Soon. As I have begun to research the costs, it makes my head spin. I could be discouraged. But instead, I feel almost giddy- like a journey is about to begin- I woke up this morning and spoke out loud to God, "I can't wait to see how You're going to do this!"
And so, I ask you for two things. Please pray for me. I believe God calls us all to specific things in specific seasons. I believe He equips and provides. He shocks us with His provision and wows us with His faithfulness. Yes. This is the God I know and love. So please pray that my faith is increased and that God opens doors wide.
Secondly, what dream have you stowed away in your own heart? What crazy thing have you pushed aside, thinking, not now or maybe even, not ever. Would you consider dreaming again? As I take the plunge, or maybe timidly stick a toe into the water, would you consider taking a step too? The world needs whatever it is God has planted in your heart. So let's be brave. Let's start using our what-ifs in a positive way. Let's not allow another year to go by as we wish. Let's obey. Let's dream again.
What has God called you to do? I'd love to hear about it, so comment below!
I CAN do ALL things through HIM who gives me strength! Phil. 4:13 (emphasis mine- we need to say those capitalized words with passion...it makes all the difference!)
It's a new year and a new chance to make some goals and some changes. I am currently mid- reconstruction following my mastectomy last Fall. I have my final surgery on March 11. After what should be a brief recovery, I can close this Breast Cancer Chapter. And move on. But move on to what? That is the grand question.
I do have a few ideas. They're crazy though. Ideas that a dish-doing, kid-raising, coupon-cutting Mom doesn't really have time or energy for...or does she? Well, this Mom does. I am declaring 2015 the year of Restoration. 2014 held too much destruction and change. I am tired of looking back and the only way for me is forward.
I am writing songs again. Songs that tell the story of a faithful God. Songs of healing and hope. I feel strongly in my gut that it's time to pound a stake in the ground and claim territory officially: I am a songwriter. I am a worship leader. These bring me joy and they are some of my biggest purposes on this earth. I feel like this is the year. It has all come to this.
I really, really, really feel called to make an album of my songs. Soon. As I have begun to research the costs, it makes my head spin. I could be discouraged. But instead, I feel almost giddy- like a journey is about to begin- I woke up this morning and spoke out loud to God, "I can't wait to see how You're going to do this!"
And so, I ask you for two things. Please pray for me. I believe God calls us all to specific things in specific seasons. I believe He equips and provides. He shocks us with His provision and wows us with His faithfulness. Yes. This is the God I know and love. So please pray that my faith is increased and that God opens doors wide.
Secondly, what dream have you stowed away in your own heart? What crazy thing have you pushed aside, thinking, not now or maybe even, not ever. Would you consider dreaming again? As I take the plunge, or maybe timidly stick a toe into the water, would you consider taking a step too? The world needs whatever it is God has planted in your heart. So let's be brave. Let's start using our what-ifs in a positive way. Let's not allow another year to go by as we wish. Let's obey. Let's dream again.
What has God called you to do? I'd love to hear about it, so comment below!
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Christmas Is Coming: Don't Miss It!
Each year, I have a book that I fill with written memories and photos of our Christmas season. I came upon it the other day and wanted to remind 2-year old Sawyer of what our house looks like at Christmas time. I had been explaining to him the concept of the tree, but he just kept looking at me like, "A big, real tree? In this room? You crazy, Mama."
So I was delighted to find the book so I could show him. I opened it up and was initially very confused. The year 2013 was entirely blank. I had not written a single memory. I had not inserted a single photo. It was as though it never existed. I tried flipping around in the book, thinking maybe I had skipped pages and accidentally placed 2013's memories elsewhere.
Nope. Nothing. That's when I sadly remembered that I was a totally different person last Christmas. Busy. Stressed. Anxious. To-do lists for miles. Just plunging ahead as quickly as possible. So much to do, and so little time. Apparently, I had so much to do that I couldn't even fill in some blanks about our best memories...our favorite recipes from the season...favorite gifts and celebration details. I looked over the empty pages, both with a feeling of intense grief, but also with gratitude.
Because that used to be me. But it isn't me anymore. At dinner time a few nights ago, I was taking the time to listen to Cohen, my middle son, talk about his day, and I praised him as he shared something he was proud of from his day. "Mom, why are you so nice to me now?" I was confused- "What do you mean?"I asked, " I'm always nice to you." He replied, "well, after your surgery you have more time. Our family isnt busy anymore. And you're nicer."
I have cried many tears as I think about that interchange. It makes me feel like I wasted a lot of precious years before as I lived a busy, determined, fast-paced life. Yes. Many of the things I did were very important. They were life-changing things for me, and for others. But wow. What was the trade off?
But I can't sit here and be sad. It's Christmas time for goodness sake! But I have definitely heard the whispers of God- even way before cancer struck...telling me I needed to relax. To let things go. To prioritize. To stop trying so hard to be everything to everyone.
This Christmas season, I encourage you to stop. Think about what really matters. And then do that. Not in a selfish way, but in a way that looks at the precious opportunities God has put in front of you and, with gratitude and great discernment, choose what you invest yourself in carefully. Stop glorifying how busy you are. No one wins in that situation or lifestyle. In fact, suffering is a surefire result. God has put you in this time and in this place and with these family members and friends for just a short time. There will obviously be seasons of busy hustling, but if that's the only life you know, then you're not really living...you're surviving.
Don't let the season pass you by without even having time to jot down some memories or take some photos. Or naps. Or long walks around the woods in the snow. Take your time. Sit by the fire with your spouse and drink hot cocoa and play cards late at night. Do a fun act of kindness for a neighbor with your kids (we're doing this weekly and calling ourselves the Christmas Ninjas!) Carve out an hour or two a day to pray or sing to the Savior. This is the stuff life is made of. Jesus doesn't call us to be busy and operate at a breakneck pace. Over and over He says to rest. To wait. To abide in His love. This doesn't mean you're unproductive, it means that you haven't made productivity your god. It means you trust His timing and planning above your own and don't feel the need to constantly "make it happen."
And above all, when you slow down enough to see how awesome life is, give thanks. Chances are, you don't feel very thankful, because you don't even take the time to notice what God has given you. I used to be that person. But I thank Him that I am not that person anymore.
So I was delighted to find the book so I could show him. I opened it up and was initially very confused. The year 2013 was entirely blank. I had not written a single memory. I had not inserted a single photo. It was as though it never existed. I tried flipping around in the book, thinking maybe I had skipped pages and accidentally placed 2013's memories elsewhere.
Nope. Nothing. That's when I sadly remembered that I was a totally different person last Christmas. Busy. Stressed. Anxious. To-do lists for miles. Just plunging ahead as quickly as possible. So much to do, and so little time. Apparently, I had so much to do that I couldn't even fill in some blanks about our best memories...our favorite recipes from the season...favorite gifts and celebration details. I looked over the empty pages, both with a feeling of intense grief, but also with gratitude.
Because that used to be me. But it isn't me anymore. At dinner time a few nights ago, I was taking the time to listen to Cohen, my middle son, talk about his day, and I praised him as he shared something he was proud of from his day. "Mom, why are you so nice to me now?" I was confused- "What do you mean?"I asked, " I'm always nice to you." He replied, "well, after your surgery you have more time. Our family isnt busy anymore. And you're nicer."
I have cried many tears as I think about that interchange. It makes me feel like I wasted a lot of precious years before as I lived a busy, determined, fast-paced life. Yes. Many of the things I did were very important. They were life-changing things for me, and for others. But wow. What was the trade off?
But I can't sit here and be sad. It's Christmas time for goodness sake! But I have definitely heard the whispers of God- even way before cancer struck...telling me I needed to relax. To let things go. To prioritize. To stop trying so hard to be everything to everyone.
This Christmas season, I encourage you to stop. Think about what really matters. And then do that. Not in a selfish way, but in a way that looks at the precious opportunities God has put in front of you and, with gratitude and great discernment, choose what you invest yourself in carefully. Stop glorifying how busy you are. No one wins in that situation or lifestyle. In fact, suffering is a surefire result. God has put you in this time and in this place and with these family members and friends for just a short time. There will obviously be seasons of busy hustling, but if that's the only life you know, then you're not really living...you're surviving.
Don't let the season pass you by without even having time to jot down some memories or take some photos. Or naps. Or long walks around the woods in the snow. Take your time. Sit by the fire with your spouse and drink hot cocoa and play cards late at night. Do a fun act of kindness for a neighbor with your kids (we're doing this weekly and calling ourselves the Christmas Ninjas!) Carve out an hour or two a day to pray or sing to the Savior. This is the stuff life is made of. Jesus doesn't call us to be busy and operate at a breakneck pace. Over and over He says to rest. To wait. To abide in His love. This doesn't mean you're unproductive, it means that you haven't made productivity your god. It means you trust His timing and planning above your own and don't feel the need to constantly "make it happen."
And above all, when you slow down enough to see how awesome life is, give thanks. Chances are, you don't feel very thankful, because you don't even take the time to notice what God has given you. I used to be that person. But I thank Him that I am not that person anymore.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
How Am I Doing?
So here I am, two weeks and one day out from my double mastectomy. And the big question everyone asks is, "How are you doing?"
I am grateful. Just absolutely grateful.
This experience, though dreadful in some ways, has literally been life-saving. When I say "life"saving, I don't only mean physical. I believe this has and will continue to change me in about every way possible. I thought for sure that there would be this emotional dam-burst moment where I would deeply mourn the loss of my breasts and feel so very cheated. But it hasn't happened. In fact, just the opposite has happened. I look at the big angry scars running across my chest and I smile, knowing that I've won.
When I saw my surgeon for my post-op appointment, he said, "everything turned out looking good on your pathology report...well, except...one thing...when they tested the area of cancer, they DID find 3 small pockets of invasive cancer that were just barely starting to break out- all less than 2 millimeters. It was barely invasive cancer, but you absolutely chose the right surgery in this situation."
I think some people kind of raised their eyebrows when I told them I was having both breasts removed for a cancer that was non-invasive. Call it a "gut feeling" or "luck", I knew it was the right decision when I made it, because I instantly felt the peace that passes all understanding descend into my heart and mind. No one should feel peaceful about deciding to remove body parts...but God steers those who are open to suggestions and willing to believe that He can make all things new. I now know that it was absolutely the best decision. I had peace when I made the choice, and even greater peace now as I move forward, cancer-free.
Now I sit here counting down the hours (50) until I can get these final two drain tubes removed. They are part of the "dreadful" experience I mentioned earlier. I will be glad to not feel like I have tentacled grenades coming out of my body. Oh Thursday, come swiftly.
I feel like I have accelerated, healing-wise, in the last couple of days. I am not taking the heavy duty pain killers anymore, just Tylenol. I am getting loads of rest (thank you, Mother, for tending to my children...and she also makes the best hot tea ever...). And my husband has been way beyond supportive and accepting. We have pushed "in sickness and in health" to it's very limits this month. He's the same Jarrod. I'm the same Carrie. It's the same love we've always had, except, I think, exponentially stronger now.
So that's how I'm doing. I am undergoing reconstructive surgery in a few months. I have tissue expanders behind the pectoral muscles, and oh you had better believe that it is NOT comfortable. At all. I can feel the edges of the devices as my muscles go into spasms and grab on to them. It feels very foreign and at times, painful. I will begin having weekly fill-ups of the expanders and have heard that those fill-ups can cause some discomfort. But it's all part of the process. And so, with gratitude, I will go through a few months of inconvenience in order to be fully restored. God is teaching me so much about patience and waiting well and being intentional in noticing all the good that is coming out of what could have been a very bad situation.
All is grace and thankfulness precedes the miracle.
Thanks to all of you who have cooked, sent cards, prayed prayers, watched kids, raised funds. Our hearts are full.
I am grateful. Just absolutely grateful.
This experience, though dreadful in some ways, has literally been life-saving. When I say "life"saving, I don't only mean physical. I believe this has and will continue to change me in about every way possible. I thought for sure that there would be this emotional dam-burst moment where I would deeply mourn the loss of my breasts and feel so very cheated. But it hasn't happened. In fact, just the opposite has happened. I look at the big angry scars running across my chest and I smile, knowing that I've won.
When I saw my surgeon for my post-op appointment, he said, "everything turned out looking good on your pathology report...well, except...one thing...when they tested the area of cancer, they DID find 3 small pockets of invasive cancer that were just barely starting to break out- all less than 2 millimeters. It was barely invasive cancer, but you absolutely chose the right surgery in this situation."
I think some people kind of raised their eyebrows when I told them I was having both breasts removed for a cancer that was non-invasive. Call it a "gut feeling" or "luck", I knew it was the right decision when I made it, because I instantly felt the peace that passes all understanding descend into my heart and mind. No one should feel peaceful about deciding to remove body parts...but God steers those who are open to suggestions and willing to believe that He can make all things new. I now know that it was absolutely the best decision. I had peace when I made the choice, and even greater peace now as I move forward, cancer-free.
Now I sit here counting down the hours (50) until I can get these final two drain tubes removed. They are part of the "dreadful" experience I mentioned earlier. I will be glad to not feel like I have tentacled grenades coming out of my body. Oh Thursday, come swiftly.
I feel like I have accelerated, healing-wise, in the last couple of days. I am not taking the heavy duty pain killers anymore, just Tylenol. I am getting loads of rest (thank you, Mother, for tending to my children...and she also makes the best hot tea ever...). And my husband has been way beyond supportive and accepting. We have pushed "in sickness and in health" to it's very limits this month. He's the same Jarrod. I'm the same Carrie. It's the same love we've always had, except, I think, exponentially stronger now.
So that's how I'm doing. I am undergoing reconstructive surgery in a few months. I have tissue expanders behind the pectoral muscles, and oh you had better believe that it is NOT comfortable. At all. I can feel the edges of the devices as my muscles go into spasms and grab on to them. It feels very foreign and at times, painful. I will begin having weekly fill-ups of the expanders and have heard that those fill-ups can cause some discomfort. But it's all part of the process. And so, with gratitude, I will go through a few months of inconvenience in order to be fully restored. God is teaching me so much about patience and waiting well and being intentional in noticing all the good that is coming out of what could have been a very bad situation.
All is grace and thankfulness precedes the miracle.
Thanks to all of you who have cooked, sent cards, prayed prayers, watched kids, raised funds. Our hearts are full.
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Update-
Just a quick update- I know a lot of you have been asking what is going on and I thought it would be easiest to answer in one giant update.
First of all, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I had hundreds of people praying for me this week. I absolutely know without any doubt that your prayers were heard. I can't express how peaceful I feel. I have moments where panic starts to tighten it's hands around my neck, but all I have to do is pray. To whisper the name of Jesus. And the grip of fear loosens. Your prayers and encouragement have made all the difference. I would thank you all individually for the cards and kind messages, but there are so many of you that I don't have the time as of now with everything else going on to properly thank you. But know that I appreciate you all so very much.
Though I was really hopeful that I would go in and they would say the cancer had vanished, that was not to be. The cancer is early stage. It is small. But it is in an inconvenient spot. Meaning that a simple just-take-out-the-cancer-surgery is not a great option. I have had a lot of thinking and a lot of what-ifs going on in my head. But I feel like today I landed in a peaceful place. I still have some questions. I still have some concerns. I have an appointment today that should answer those. I am looking at a fairly extensive surgery in about three weeks (should know a specific date by week's end). Praying friends, I invite you in to this season of my life. Please continue to pray. Specifically, I want you to pray for the following:
- After the cancer is removed, the surgeon will be able to better assess it's behavior and will be able to tell if it is invasive cancer or not. At this time, they do not believe it is invasive (it is confined to one small area). PLEASE pray that this is reality- that it is confined and not invasive.
- Please pray for my family. My kids still don't know the details. They do know I will be having surgery in a few weeks. I want them insulated from all of this. But I also know there will be some harsh days ahead following the surgery. I won't be able to lift my little one up for several weeks (he constantly says, "mom, take me up" instead of pick me up...which I think is adorable). And I know it will be so so hard to not be able to do my usual mom stuff. Please pray for all of us to adjust and transition well and for all to stay healthy overall so that I have a smooth recovery process.
-Please pray for the surgeon, Dr. Povoski. That he would be guided by the very hands of God as he does his work.
-Please pray that I have opportunities to share my faith and to spread hope as I go through many appointments and such over the next several weeks.
- Please pray for a speedy recovery. I have huge goals and hopes to help others going through what I have gone through. My heart is full of a longing to serve and help others heal and find hope in the Healer.
- Please take some time to worship! Let's all thank God together for the way He is working this to my good. Despite a cancer diagnosis, I can say, without question that He is a good, good God. He is a loving Father. I could not have made it through this so far without Him and know that His love will carry me through to my new normal. I have never been so devastated and yet simultaneously loved ever before. He is near. He is raising up all of these wonderful helpers and friends and family to pull me through this. Not only will I survive, but I will thrive. I am confident that this next season ahead is going to be incredible. I pray that God will let my life light up- that He will give me new songs to help people heal and see how faithful He is. I want all of this to point to God and for people to reach the conclusion that He not only exists, but that He cares deeply.
If you have a moment, read Psalm 34. It is my testimony. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+34&version=ESV
Thank you all so much for everything and I will keep you posted as time goes on.
First of all, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I had hundreds of people praying for me this week. I absolutely know without any doubt that your prayers were heard. I can't express how peaceful I feel. I have moments where panic starts to tighten it's hands around my neck, but all I have to do is pray. To whisper the name of Jesus. And the grip of fear loosens. Your prayers and encouragement have made all the difference. I would thank you all individually for the cards and kind messages, but there are so many of you that I don't have the time as of now with everything else going on to properly thank you. But know that I appreciate you all so very much.
Though I was really hopeful that I would go in and they would say the cancer had vanished, that was not to be. The cancer is early stage. It is small. But it is in an inconvenient spot. Meaning that a simple just-take-out-the-cancer-surgery is not a great option. I have had a lot of thinking and a lot of what-ifs going on in my head. But I feel like today I landed in a peaceful place. I still have some questions. I still have some concerns. I have an appointment today that should answer those. I am looking at a fairly extensive surgery in about three weeks (should know a specific date by week's end). Praying friends, I invite you in to this season of my life. Please continue to pray. Specifically, I want you to pray for the following:
- After the cancer is removed, the surgeon will be able to better assess it's behavior and will be able to tell if it is invasive cancer or not. At this time, they do not believe it is invasive (it is confined to one small area). PLEASE pray that this is reality- that it is confined and not invasive.
- Please pray for my family. My kids still don't know the details. They do know I will be having surgery in a few weeks. I want them insulated from all of this. But I also know there will be some harsh days ahead following the surgery. I won't be able to lift my little one up for several weeks (he constantly says, "mom, take me up" instead of pick me up...which I think is adorable). And I know it will be so so hard to not be able to do my usual mom stuff. Please pray for all of us to adjust and transition well and for all to stay healthy overall so that I have a smooth recovery process.
-Please pray for the surgeon, Dr. Povoski. That he would be guided by the very hands of God as he does his work.
-Please pray that I have opportunities to share my faith and to spread hope as I go through many appointments and such over the next several weeks.
- Please pray for a speedy recovery. I have huge goals and hopes to help others going through what I have gone through. My heart is full of a longing to serve and help others heal and find hope in the Healer.
- Please take some time to worship! Let's all thank God together for the way He is working this to my good. Despite a cancer diagnosis, I can say, without question that He is a good, good God. He is a loving Father. I could not have made it through this so far without Him and know that His love will carry me through to my new normal. I have never been so devastated and yet simultaneously loved ever before. He is near. He is raising up all of these wonderful helpers and friends and family to pull me through this. Not only will I survive, but I will thrive. I am confident that this next season ahead is going to be incredible. I pray that God will let my life light up- that He will give me new songs to help people heal and see how faithful He is. I want all of this to point to God and for people to reach the conclusion that He not only exists, but that He cares deeply.
If you have a moment, read Psalm 34. It is my testimony. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+34&version=ESV
Thank you all so much for everything and I will keep you posted as time goes on.
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Big Miracles So Far
Glory to God, I have been told that I have cancer.
How can a person be crazy enough to say that sentence? I don't know. I almost can't believe I typed it either. The rational part of my brain says, "No!" But my soul says, "Yes. Praise Him in all things. ALL things." I have been a worship leader in various settings my entire adult life. I like to think that it is my calling on this earth, to draw people into knowing and being known by the God of the universe. As I walk through this journey of cancelling cancer, I want to frequently put His miracles and His love on display on this blog and in the songs that I write. I have a few to share already and I only got my diagnosis yesterday...I have a feeling I'm gonna do a whole lot of blogging :)
Miracle 1: Songs of Comfort
As I entered the imaging center two weeks ago for a mammogram, I was feeling jittery. I am 35. I am happily married. I am a busy Mom. My whole life lies ahead of me, waiting. I do not have time for something to be wrong with me health-wise. I eased myself into a seat in the lobby and heard the song coming out of the speakers:
Only me, on my knees, singing Holy! Holy!
Somehow all that matters now is You are Holy! Holy! (Nichole Nordeman, boss song from like 1997 or something...)
And then one of my favorite Chris Tomlin songs:
How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God
Ahhhh...I could relax now, because I was equipped with some songs to steady me. When I saw the nervous glances of technicians, I started humming, "somehow all that matters now is, You are Holy..." and when they brought me back to see a little spot that showed up on the mammogram, I sang "How great is our God" in my head. God speaks to me and through me in songs of worship. That those songs played in that moment, in that building, to me, was a miracle.
Miracle 2: This is Gross.
I don't even really want to tell the whole world this one, because, well, it's gross. I apologize. It is pre-geriatric oversharing at it's finest (as a good friend labels such discussions). It's nothing I am ashamed about, it's just a little personal. But you know, if you have the guts to read it, it makes for a really awesome part of the story.
So why did I even need a mammogram to begin with? Well, I was finding little tiny brown dots in my bra of some kind of fluid when I got back from California in late July. Concerned, I called my excellent OB/GYN doctor and she got me in right away and got this whole process rolling quickly (thank God for her!) So this brown dot business went on right up to the point of my biopsy on Monday of this past week and then? Disappeared. Not a trace since then. I was thinking the giant needle must have punched it out and cleared it up, whatever it was...but THEN the surgeon, when giving my results yesterday said, "That discharge you were having? We believe that was entirely coincidental and had nothing to do with this cancer. It was actually a blessing in the way that it warned us that something was wrong." And then he smiled and put his hands out and shrugged.
Coincidence??? That's Jesus.
So those of you who may not believe a thing about this Jesus guy, and maybe some of you who do, may ask, Ok, so if this God of yours was brilliant enough to do a brown dot warning system in your shirt that ended promptly when the needed test was done, to warn you that something was wrong, then why do you even have a breast cancer diagnosis to begin with? How does that even make sense?
It doesn't. I have tried to figure it out. But I can't. So I won't. But I do know that the Bible says that Jesus healed the sick every chance He got. I know it says that by His wounds on the cross, I am healed. I know the Bible says that He has plans for me, for hope, and not for harm, and for a future. I know He said that in this world, we would have trouble, but to take heart! Because He has overcome the world! This all leads me to the next miracle in what will surely be a giant list of them.
Miracle 3: Peace
I am not going to lie, I have these little moments of worry and irrational fear that keep popping up. But for the most part, I feel so much peace in all of this. Last night, I was starting to get a little upset, so I made my way to the piano and I sat down and started to sing. His presence met me there. In the night, I woke up and started to cry. Somehow, I said, "Come, Holy Spirit and calm me down" and there was instant peace and hope was restored. I even had a dream that there was a room full of people wearing scrubs and I still remember their distinct faces exactly, and one of the people in particular, wearing purple scrubs came over and just hugged me and let me cry into her shoulder for the longest time. Let me tell you. I will FREAK OUT if those faces were the faces of the medical team waiting for me at OSU. I kid you not. SO fun!
Miracle 4: You
Finally, I have had such an outpouring of love and support. I can't ever get over it. I have had so many of you send messages that are absolutely perfectly timed and corroborate with what I have read in scripture just moments before, or heard in a song...it's like a giant web of encouragement, love, and peace is being spun all around me. Thank you.
I had a fellow student from worship school at Bethel post a picture late last night that he took while there. Before I saw his post in the night, I had gone to sleep singing, "Still Believe" by Kim Walker Smith. "Your blood, makes the deaf to hear, right now. Your blood takes away the curse, right now. Your blood, heals every disease, right now. Your blood sets the addict free, right now. And I still believe You're the same yesterday, today and forever. And I still believe Your blood is sufficient for me.
And then I see the word "Cancer" on a canvas, cancelled by the blood of Jesus. The blood of Jesus...truly the greatest miracle of them all.
Here is the prayer that he posted for me on Facebook:
Jesus we command and declare the cancellation of cancer in Carrie's body. We command the nullification of every cancer cell, for it to shrivel up, die and disappear in the name of Jesus. We ask that your blood would wash over Carrie each night as she sleeps and that every part of her physical, mental and spiritual health would be cleansed nightly by you Jesus. Healing and Health in Jesus name!
Jesus we command and declare the cancellation of cancer in Carrie's body. We command the nullification of every cancer cell, for it to shrivel up, die and disappear in the name of Jesus. We ask that your blood would wash over Carrie each night as she sleeps and that every part of her physical, mental and spiritual health would be cleansed nightly by you Jesus. Healing and Health in Jesus name!
Amen to that!!! Right??? That's "all" I have for the first 20 hours of a cancer diagnosis, but I am sure this is just the start of a huge testimony to the faithfulness and love of God. Thanks for reading and thank you for your prayers.
Friday, August 1, 2014
Pushing Pause
Friends,
I hope your Summer has been wonderful. Ours has been extremely eventful and life-changing. I was blessed to spend two weeks at Bethel Church for WorshipU and thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it. I am forever changed by all that happened there and hope to share some of it in bits and pieces along the way.
But first, I want to make you aware that I will be disappearing for a while. Going in to WorshipU and in the weeks following, I have come to the conclusion that life is really loud. There is so much distraction and so much noise. I had some really frustrating writer's block in the month or so leading up to WorshipU and so much of that was due to being really busy and losing touch with my heart. As I was immersed in the presence of God in those two weeks, the songs and ideas began to return at a steady pace. Now that I am home, I am starting to see some patterns emerging again that are cutting off my creativity and just making me feel distracted. All that great togetherness we had as a family while on our trip has been chipping away as we've returned to our respective screens and devices.
In order to combat this, I have prayerfully decided to go way under the radar for the next while. I have a time frame in mind, but it may change. No social media. Extreme modification of schedule. In other words, you may not see me, both on Facebook/Twitter, etc. and in person, for several weeks :) Don't be alarmed. I am not turning into a hermit up here in the forest. I just need to carve out some time to process and rest...to silence the inner critic within and to open my heart wide to Jesus. He, after all, was an expert of getting away to spend time with His Father.
I hope your Summer has been wonderful. Ours has been extremely eventful and life-changing. I was blessed to spend two weeks at Bethel Church for WorshipU and thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it. I am forever changed by all that happened there and hope to share some of it in bits and pieces along the way.
But first, I want to make you aware that I will be disappearing for a while. Going in to WorshipU and in the weeks following, I have come to the conclusion that life is really loud. There is so much distraction and so much noise. I had some really frustrating writer's block in the month or so leading up to WorshipU and so much of that was due to being really busy and losing touch with my heart. As I was immersed in the presence of God in those two weeks, the songs and ideas began to return at a steady pace. Now that I am home, I am starting to see some patterns emerging again that are cutting off my creativity and just making me feel distracted. All that great togetherness we had as a family while on our trip has been chipping away as we've returned to our respective screens and devices.
In order to combat this, I have prayerfully decided to go way under the radar for the next while. I have a time frame in mind, but it may change. No social media. Extreme modification of schedule. In other words, you may not see me, both on Facebook/Twitter, etc. and in person, for several weeks :) Don't be alarmed. I am not turning into a hermit up here in the forest. I just need to carve out some time to process and rest...to silence the inner critic within and to open my heart wide to Jesus. He, after all, was an expert of getting away to spend time with His Father.
And early in the morning, while it was still dark, He arose and went out and departed to a lonely place, and was praying there. ( Mark 1:35)
And immediately He made His disciples get into the boat and go ahead of Him to the other side to Bethsaida, while He Himself was sending the multitude away. And after bidding them farewell, he departed to the mountain to pray. (Mark 6:45-46)
And when day came, He departed to a lonely place; and the multitudes were searching for Him, and came to Him, and tried to keep Him from going away from them. ( Luke 4:42)
But He Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray. ( Luke 5:16)
And it was at this time that He went off to the mountain to pray, and He spent the whole night in prayer to God. ( Luke 6:12)
I'm looking forward to this time of worship and seeking God. A time of re-calibration. I am fully volunteering for greater intimacy with God- to be seen and known. In this culture of Facebook and texting and not seeing people eye to eye, I want to be intentional about being in the presence of God, seeing Him, hearing Him, and letting Him change my perspective and show me what's ahead.
So, I will see you when I see you. Until then, I pray that you too might enter into a deeper place of seeking God. When He humbles us and shows us our need for more of Him, the best thing we can do is obey!
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
California, Here We Come
The countdown is on! Last year, I signed up for the Summer session of Bethel's online school, WorshipU. I went in to it very purposed and determined that I would pick up some skills to help improve and expand upon my songwriting, worship leading, and keyboard playing. While that did in fact happen, a process began in my heart that I didn't even realize I needed. A complete value shift began in my life:
People are more important than a final product
Process is more important than the destination
Heart is more important than talent
Obedience is more important than determination
Rest is more important than striving to achieve
Authenticity is more important than the appearance of perfection
Releasing outcomes is more important than controlling them
To put it a simpler way: more Jesus and His ways and less Carrie and her ways.
Going in to last Summer, I felt like I was at the top of my game. I had it all together. Success was being had. New ground was being exposed. Everything was ripe with possibility.
On the surface anyway.
It wasn't so much that I was willfully living in a skewed mindset. I didn't desire to be an overachieving, overly busy, driven, perfectionist bent on success no matter the cost. It was just sort of who I was at the time.
But God, in His mercy, and through a series of very calculated events, began to strip all that away. A transformation began that is ongoing. So when the opportunity presented itself to attend Bethel's Worship School in July of this year, live and in person, I knew in my heart that I had to be there. It wasn't even really a choice. It was like a command: Go. To. California.
This was back in November-ish. In the months that have transpired, it has become more clear in my mind than ever that God goes before us and prepares the way.
I don't just "want" to go to worship school now.
I NEED to. I HAVE to.
I went back and forth last November about whether or not we should make the long trip to Redding. but it was clear to me that it wasn't even really a choice. Sort of like when I, as a Mom, ask my kids to pick up their toys off the bedroom floor that I just cleaned previously. Yes, there is still an option to back out, but it's in the best interest of all involved to just obey. I couldn't even explain it to my husband Jarrod. I just said, I have to go to this and I don't fully understand why. And he, being awesome, said, ok then. We will.
I am expecting huge, huge, huge things. I feel an emptiness and hunger at this point in my life- more than ever before. And I think there is good reason for that. I am about to be filled.
So here we come, Redding. God has undeniably provided for us to not only allow us to go on the trip, but to go on the trip well. Everything is paid for. We have a sweet Sprinter Van travel machine that we bought that we're currently converting into a camper van of sorts for the trip out and back (it's our modern day Conestoga Wagon). Our kids (ages 2, 5, and 7) are excited for great adventures with their Dad (and Grandparents during week 2) during the day when I am in class. We are all excited. We are all dreaming. We are all preparing our hearts.
I don't even know what to expect. I just know that God told me to go. So we're going. So far, the timing and the provision have been absolutely stunning. I expect nothing less for the weeks that I am there, encountering His presence, receiving healing, and being transformed more and more into who He is calling me to be. And who knows...maybe I'll even pick up some skills for songwriting, worship leading, and keyboards while I'm there :)
What is God calling you to today?
People are more important than a final product
Process is more important than the destination
Heart is more important than talent
Obedience is more important than determination
Rest is more important than striving to achieve
Authenticity is more important than the appearance of perfection
Releasing outcomes is more important than controlling them
To put it a simpler way: more Jesus and His ways and less Carrie and her ways.
Going in to last Summer, I felt like I was at the top of my game. I had it all together. Success was being had. New ground was being exposed. Everything was ripe with possibility.
On the surface anyway.
It wasn't so much that I was willfully living in a skewed mindset. I didn't desire to be an overachieving, overly busy, driven, perfectionist bent on success no matter the cost. It was just sort of who I was at the time.
But God, in His mercy, and through a series of very calculated events, began to strip all that away. A transformation began that is ongoing. So when the opportunity presented itself to attend Bethel's Worship School in July of this year, live and in person, I knew in my heart that I had to be there. It wasn't even really a choice. It was like a command: Go. To. California.
This was back in November-ish. In the months that have transpired, it has become more clear in my mind than ever that God goes before us and prepares the way.
I don't just "want" to go to worship school now.
I NEED to. I HAVE to.
I went back and forth last November about whether or not we should make the long trip to Redding. but it was clear to me that it wasn't even really a choice. Sort of like when I, as a Mom, ask my kids to pick up their toys off the bedroom floor that I just cleaned previously. Yes, there is still an option to back out, but it's in the best interest of all involved to just obey. I couldn't even explain it to my husband Jarrod. I just said, I have to go to this and I don't fully understand why. And he, being awesome, said, ok then. We will.
I am expecting huge, huge, huge things. I feel an emptiness and hunger at this point in my life- more than ever before. And I think there is good reason for that. I am about to be filled.
So here we come, Redding. God has undeniably provided for us to not only allow us to go on the trip, but to go on the trip well. Everything is paid for. We have a sweet Sprinter Van travel machine that we bought that we're currently converting into a camper van of sorts for the trip out and back (it's our modern day Conestoga Wagon). Our kids (ages 2, 5, and 7) are excited for great adventures with their Dad (and Grandparents during week 2) during the day when I am in class. We are all excited. We are all dreaming. We are all preparing our hearts.
I don't even know what to expect. I just know that God told me to go. So we're going. So far, the timing and the provision have been absolutely stunning. I expect nothing less for the weeks that I am there, encountering His presence, receiving healing, and being transformed more and more into who He is calling me to be. And who knows...maybe I'll even pick up some skills for songwriting, worship leading, and keyboards while I'm there :)
What is God calling you to today?
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Lent Day 16: Do You Want to Be Well
I've been thinking so much lately about gratitude. A thankful heart truly unlocks so much in a life. Let's be real for a minute though- life can really stink. We all go through seasons where we feel an increased pressure or tension- almost like the heavenly realms are waiting with baited breath as we make choice after choice- are we going to be victorious in this season? Or will be be defeated?
I have gone through kind of a weird season lately and as some things have been shaken up a bit, I've pressed in to the presence of God like never before. And He has met me, like never before. I would never wish a weird season on anyone, but to be honest, it's been kind of awesome in a strange way.
Today, was a day when I needed to be reminded again about the way God makes Himself available to us. We have gone through some sleepless weeks here lately with a nasty flu virus wrecking our house. We've all been exhausted. We've been healthy for a couple weeks now, but yesterday, the familiar drip-drip-drip of the nose began. The littlest Crawford started running a fever. Strike One.
This morning, 3 more of us woke up with cold symptoms and are feeling generally lousy. Strike 2. And also, our toaster just loves to incinerate toast indiscriminately as of late. 3 burnt toasts. Strike 2.5
Noticing that my mood was starting to take a dive, I thought, I'm not going to cave. We just have colds and three burnt pieces of bread. This is not a crisis by any means.
So we pulled out our Easter decorations and had a festive time decorating with bunnies, chicks, eggs, and flowers. In the bottom of one of the totes was a long, cylindrical jar with a cork lid that I have been looking for. I have wanted to make a "Blessings Jar" where we write daily something that has been given to us as a gift from God. I wanted to do this as a family to make my kids (and their parents) more mindful of the many good things that come our way each day- things of which we are not even aware. I had found my jar! I knew it was somewhere in this house.
It was a little dusty, so I went to the sink to wash it. As I dipped it into the soapy water, I smiled, thinking of all the great experiences we'd have as a family, depositing our slips of paper filled with thanksgivings and blessings into the jar. And then, it slipped. The jar. It fell right into the edge of sink. And it shattered. Strike 3?
Seriously? I mean...really? We're under the weather, our toast has nearly caught on fire 3 times today, and now this?
What did I do? I started to laugh. It may sound crazy. But it's true. The boys, looking on from the safety of barstools behind me, joined in. We were laughing at shards of glass. In my mind, I thought, Blessing #1 to go into a different jar some other time- Thankful for laughter even on days of snot, burnt toast, and shattered jars.
I've been reading John 5 over and over the last few days.
Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, in Aramaic called Bethesda, which has five roofed colonnades. In these lay a multitude of invalids—blind, lame, and paralyzed. One man was there who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be healed?”
Of course he wanted to be healed! He'd been an invalid for longer than I have been alive! But Jesus asked.
He always asks. Because there is always a choice.
Maybe Jesus was asking a bigger question than what we see on the surface. Maybe what He was saying was
Do you seriously want things to change?
Are you ready to exchange what has been for what could be?
Are you sure you want to move away from this familiar misery?
Because, a whole world awaits beyond the side of that pool where the man had been laying and waiting for his healing. Things will be faster. Things will be more difficult. Life will happen.
Jesus asks us the same thing today. Do you want to be healed? Do you want to be delivered from a life of fear/worry/control/impatience/ingratitude/hurt/conflict/relational tension?
Sometimes it feels easier to stay where we are than to venture into what we don't know. Sometimes it feels good to wallow in our misery rather than accept that God has something greater. Those are the places where the enemy loves to breed selfishness and discontent and inaction.
If you really want to be healed, it takes laughing and choosing praise over defeat when the day goes crazy. It takes minute by minute choices to embrace God, to taste and see that He is good. This girl right here? She's not going to be moved very easily. She's part of the Kingdom that can't be shaken and a daughter of the King who holds those who put their trust in Him. Even through the snotty noses, burnt toast, and shattered glass. We live in hope that He will hold, He will heal, and He will strengthen us through our trials and difficult seasons to step in to the amazing things He has for us to do. Thank you, God, for being our strength and for opportunities to become strong.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. 2 Corinthians 4:7-11
I have gone through kind of a weird season lately and as some things have been shaken up a bit, I've pressed in to the presence of God like never before. And He has met me, like never before. I would never wish a weird season on anyone, but to be honest, it's been kind of awesome in a strange way.
Today, was a day when I needed to be reminded again about the way God makes Himself available to us. We have gone through some sleepless weeks here lately with a nasty flu virus wrecking our house. We've all been exhausted. We've been healthy for a couple weeks now, but yesterday, the familiar drip-drip-drip of the nose began. The littlest Crawford started running a fever. Strike One.
This morning, 3 more of us woke up with cold symptoms and are feeling generally lousy. Strike 2. And also, our toaster just loves to incinerate toast indiscriminately as of late. 3 burnt toasts. Strike 2.5
Noticing that my mood was starting to take a dive, I thought, I'm not going to cave. We just have colds and three burnt pieces of bread. This is not a crisis by any means.
So we pulled out our Easter decorations and had a festive time decorating with bunnies, chicks, eggs, and flowers. In the bottom of one of the totes was a long, cylindrical jar with a cork lid that I have been looking for. I have wanted to make a "Blessings Jar" where we write daily something that has been given to us as a gift from God. I wanted to do this as a family to make my kids (and their parents) more mindful of the many good things that come our way each day- things of which we are not even aware. I had found my jar! I knew it was somewhere in this house.
It was a little dusty, so I went to the sink to wash it. As I dipped it into the soapy water, I smiled, thinking of all the great experiences we'd have as a family, depositing our slips of paper filled with thanksgivings and blessings into the jar. And then, it slipped. The jar. It fell right into the edge of sink. And it shattered. Strike 3?
Seriously? I mean...really? We're under the weather, our toast has nearly caught on fire 3 times today, and now this?
What did I do? I started to laugh. It may sound crazy. But it's true. The boys, looking on from the safety of barstools behind me, joined in. We were laughing at shards of glass. In my mind, I thought, Blessing #1 to go into a different jar some other time- Thankful for laughter even on days of snot, burnt toast, and shattered jars.
I've been reading John 5 over and over the last few days.
Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, in Aramaic called Bethesda, which has five roofed colonnades. In these lay a multitude of invalids—blind, lame, and paralyzed. One man was there who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be healed?”
Of course he wanted to be healed! He'd been an invalid for longer than I have been alive! But Jesus asked.
He always asks. Because there is always a choice.
Maybe Jesus was asking a bigger question than what we see on the surface. Maybe what He was saying was
Do you seriously want things to change?
Are you ready to exchange what has been for what could be?
Are you sure you want to move away from this familiar misery?
Because, a whole world awaits beyond the side of that pool where the man had been laying and waiting for his healing. Things will be faster. Things will be more difficult. Life will happen.
Jesus asks us the same thing today. Do you want to be healed? Do you want to be delivered from a life of fear/worry/control/impatience/ingratitude/hurt/conflict/relational tension?
Sometimes it feels easier to stay where we are than to venture into what we don't know. Sometimes it feels good to wallow in our misery rather than accept that God has something greater. Those are the places where the enemy loves to breed selfishness and discontent and inaction.
If you really want to be healed, it takes laughing and choosing praise over defeat when the day goes crazy. It takes minute by minute choices to embrace God, to taste and see that He is good. This girl right here? She's not going to be moved very easily. She's part of the Kingdom that can't be shaken and a daughter of the King who holds those who put their trust in Him. Even through the snotty noses, burnt toast, and shattered glass. We live in hope that He will hold, He will heal, and He will strengthen us through our trials and difficult seasons to step in to the amazing things He has for us to do. Thank you, God, for being our strength and for opportunities to become strong.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. 2 Corinthians 4:7-11
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Lent Day 8: If You Only Knew
My reading today was PACKED full of revelation. Oh, how I love when the Word proves itself to be living and active. It does, indeed, read me as I read it. So today I took a dive into chapter 4 of John- the story of Jesus and Samaritan Woman at the Well. A few verses really kicked me in the butt (in a good way.)
So maybe you have heard the context of the story of the Woman at the Well, maybe you haven't. If you haven't, a brief synopsis is that this Samaritan woman was getting her water in the heat of the noon sun because she did not want to be around other people. She was, in effect, hiding in plain sight. Her shame held her back from going to the well at the cooler time of the day in the morning, when all the other women would venture out to get their water. So here is a woman, full of shame, about to get rocked by the only One able to restore her. Oh, that we would be so willing to sit and chat with the Master at the well for a few minutes today...
In verse 7- Soon a Samaritan came to draw water and Jesus said to her, "Please, give me a drink."
Verse 9- The woman was surprised, for Jews refuse to have anything to do with Samaritans. She said to Jesus, "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan. Why are you asking me for a drink?"
Verse 10- (My favorite) Jesus replied, "If you only knew the gift God has for you and who I am, you would ask me, and I would give you living water."
What a response! And I believe Jesus says the same thing to you and me today. Like the Samaritan woman, (who, if you read on, can discover that she had been seeking joy, comfort, and identity in the arms of multiple men, rather than in the everlasting arms of a Savior) we seek to have our wants and our needs fulfilled in all the wrong places and in all the wrong ways.
And Jesus waits patiently as we cower in our shame and live day-to-day with unfulfilled longings. We expect very little from our relationship with Jesus, so we get very little out of it.
But what if...
We started believing that our God is who He says He is?
What if we were willing to leave our shame from the past behind and look forward to a future filled with His goodness?
What if we could drink from a well of neverending capacity and purity?
Questions of identity, worth, and calling can be answered by doing three simple things as outlined in John 4:10:
- Recognize the gift God has for you and see Him for who He is.
- Ask Him for His presence and sustenance in your life.
-Position yourself to receive His living water.
All that we could ever need has already been paid for. We simply need to receive it.
Come. He is waiting. If you only knew all that He has for you...
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Lent Day 7: That is All
I realize we're on day 7 of Lent and I haven't shared for a few days- some of my musings in my journal each day either aren't interesting to anyone but myself (ha) or they are intensely personal and I don't wish to fling them out into the world in some creepy reality TV show manner. But today, I do have something to share! I hope that the last week has been full of revelation and intimacy with the Lord. It is so true that when we draw near to Him that He will draw near to us. It's exciting to me in this season of Lent to see that happening!
So today, I have been reading in the third chapter of John. A few verses in particular stood out to me today- (starting with v. 27) "God in heaven appoints each person's work". These are the words of John the Baptist as he addresses his own disciples, who fear (rightly so) that they and their works are overshadowed by Jesus.
This verse is similar to Ephesians 2:10, which I wrote about a couple weeks ago- " For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we should walk in them."
John, starting in verses 28-30 expands on this concept more: "You yourselves know how plainly I told you that I am not the Messiah. I am here to prepare the way for Him-that is all. The bride will go where the bridegroom is. A bridegroom's friend rejoices with him. I am the bridegroom's friend, and I am filled with joy at His success. He must become greater and I must become less and less."
Whatever your calling may be in this world, these verses give us some strong guidelines of how to live it out.
1. You have been and are being equipped for the calling which God has decided for you.
2. You need to know your proper place- you are not the Messiah- you are here to prepare the way for Him- that is all.
3. You will finish well if your ultimate goal is that you diminish and His glory increases.
I will leave you with some great insight from Matthew Henry from his commentary on this passage:
My prayer for today: Lord, You know the plans you have for me. More than any plans or completion of them, I just want to love You and know Your love for me. For I know it is out of your great love that my purpose becomes more and more clear. I trust in Your wisdom. I boldly ask for more of Your presence in my life that I can be better equipped for all that you have for me to do in this world. Not only that, but also so that I may become more and more like You. I long for a shift in character and mindset daily that leads me to a more pleasing, holy, and effective life. I recognize that You are in charge, You rule over my heart and mind and each step I take. I am here to prepare the way for You- and that is all.
So today, I have been reading in the third chapter of John. A few verses in particular stood out to me today- (starting with v. 27) "God in heaven appoints each person's work". These are the words of John the Baptist as he addresses his own disciples, who fear (rightly so) that they and their works are overshadowed by Jesus.
This verse is similar to Ephesians 2:10, which I wrote about a couple weeks ago- " For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we should walk in them."
John, starting in verses 28-30 expands on this concept more: "You yourselves know how plainly I told you that I am not the Messiah. I am here to prepare the way for Him-that is all. The bride will go where the bridegroom is. A bridegroom's friend rejoices with him. I am the bridegroom's friend, and I am filled with joy at His success. He must become greater and I must become less and less."
Whatever your calling may be in this world, these verses give us some strong guidelines of how to live it out.
1. You have been and are being equipped for the calling which God has decided for you.
2. You need to know your proper place- you are not the Messiah- you are here to prepare the way for Him- that is all.
3. You will finish well if your ultimate goal is that you diminish and His glory increases.
I will leave you with some great insight from Matthew Henry from his commentary on this passage:
Our works are good when the will of God is the rule of them, and the glory of God the end of them; when they are done in His strength and for His sake; to Him, and not to men. Renewed hearts bid His light welcome. A good man acts truly and sincerely in all he does. He desires to know what the will of God is and to do it though against his own worldly interest. A change of his whole character and conduct has taken place.
My prayer for today: Lord, You know the plans you have for me. More than any plans or completion of them, I just want to love You and know Your love for me. For I know it is out of your great love that my purpose becomes more and more clear. I trust in Your wisdom. I boldly ask for more of Your presence in my life that I can be better equipped for all that you have for me to do in this world. Not only that, but also so that I may become more and more like You. I long for a shift in character and mindset daily that leads me to a more pleasing, holy, and effective life. I recognize that You are in charge, You rule over my heart and mind and each step I take. I am here to prepare the way for You- and that is all.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Lent Day 2: This is the One
At the root of every decision, at the closing of every door of opportunity, there is a nagging question. One that we feel like we should have answered by now:
God, do I trust You?
My reading for Lent today took on a decidedly emotional turn as I was only able to breathe in two verses before bursting into tears and praise. Because I found the answer to that age-old question in the pages and in the recesses of my memory.
John 1:15: John pointed Him out to the people. He shouted to the crowds: 'This is the One I was talking about when I said, 'someone is coming who is far greater than I am', for He existed long before I did."
Observations: THIS is how we know that all things work to the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose: "He existed long before I did."
He has been.
He is.
He will be.
Instead of listing all of the current annoyances and troubles we face, what if we, instead, started listing our victories of the past. To remember is to fall in love with Jesus all over again. In similar fashion, when I go on a date with my husband, we smile as we remember things from our past. And it draws us close together once again. A shared history, a deep connection and abiding faith that things have worked, and will continue to work according to God's will for us.
So here is my list. I'd encourage you to make one too. It won't take long until you are smiling, and eyes shining with tears as you recall the faithfulness of the God who loves you and has always loved you and will always love you. Always.
-I was chosen, from the foundation of time, to love and serve Almighty God who cares for me and loves me as His own daughter.
-I was born in a land of opportunity to parents who love me more than words can say. I was raised to know and love Jesus and to care about people and to be helpful and to work hard. I was privileged to grow up with siblings who have always been my best friends.
-I was practically pushed into the waiting arms of a charming, loving, kind, respectful, gentle (the list goes on for 327 more pages so I will abbreviate here) man who would later be my husband. The pathway to him was about as subtle as a runway lit at night for incoming airplanes. We were truly meant to be together.
-I was healed and given a beautiful son 7 years ago, even when I had been told it would be difficult to become pregnant. 2 additional, gorgeous sons later, I know nothing is too difficult for Him!
-I have been given talents that not only bring me joy, but have the potential to bring people into a closer relationship with the Lord. But beyond the talent and beyond the opportunities, I have been given authority to carry the presence of God and proclaim His greatness on the earth. This is a wonder that is not lost on me. To play a tiny part in the story of God on this earth at this time and in this place is a responsibility I take seriously and with great joy.
I thought I had done enough reading and listing for the day, but one more glance at the Word let me know that there was to be one final thought to cap off my list of blessings:
John 1:16- "We have ALL benefited from the rich blessings He brought to us. One gracious blessing after another."
One gracious blessing after another indeed. My list was complete. At least for now.
My Prayer for today: I point to YOU Jesus. And only You! You are the One who gives me all I have ever needed. You have given me enough love and enough hope to shatter the mold of whatever I thought I wanted. Because really? All I needed. All I ever wanted. All along. Was You. And because I know I can trust You and that You are all things to me- I, like the writer of this gospel, will tell. I will sing. I will shout to the crowd, echoing the words of John 1:15:
This is the One I was talking about when I said, 'someone is coming who is far greater than I am', for He existed long before I did."
Yes, this is the One. And I trust Him fully.
God, do I trust You?
My reading for Lent today took on a decidedly emotional turn as I was only able to breathe in two verses before bursting into tears and praise. Because I found the answer to that age-old question in the pages and in the recesses of my memory.
John 1:15: John pointed Him out to the people. He shouted to the crowds: 'This is the One I was talking about when I said, 'someone is coming who is far greater than I am', for He existed long before I did."
Observations: THIS is how we know that all things work to the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose: "He existed long before I did."
He has been.
He is.
He will be.
Instead of listing all of the current annoyances and troubles we face, what if we, instead, started listing our victories of the past. To remember is to fall in love with Jesus all over again. In similar fashion, when I go on a date with my husband, we smile as we remember things from our past. And it draws us close together once again. A shared history, a deep connection and abiding faith that things have worked, and will continue to work according to God's will for us.
So here is my list. I'd encourage you to make one too. It won't take long until you are smiling, and eyes shining with tears as you recall the faithfulness of the God who loves you and has always loved you and will always love you. Always.
-I was chosen, from the foundation of time, to love and serve Almighty God who cares for me and loves me as His own daughter.
-I was born in a land of opportunity to parents who love me more than words can say. I was raised to know and love Jesus and to care about people and to be helpful and to work hard. I was privileged to grow up with siblings who have always been my best friends.
-I was practically pushed into the waiting arms of a charming, loving, kind, respectful, gentle (the list goes on for 327 more pages so I will abbreviate here) man who would later be my husband. The pathway to him was about as subtle as a runway lit at night for incoming airplanes. We were truly meant to be together.
-I was healed and given a beautiful son 7 years ago, even when I had been told it would be difficult to become pregnant. 2 additional, gorgeous sons later, I know nothing is too difficult for Him!
-I have been given talents that not only bring me joy, but have the potential to bring people into a closer relationship with the Lord. But beyond the talent and beyond the opportunities, I have been given authority to carry the presence of God and proclaim His greatness on the earth. This is a wonder that is not lost on me. To play a tiny part in the story of God on this earth at this time and in this place is a responsibility I take seriously and with great joy.
I thought I had done enough reading and listing for the day, but one more glance at the Word let me know that there was to be one final thought to cap off my list of blessings:
John 1:16- "We have ALL benefited from the rich blessings He brought to us. One gracious blessing after another."
One gracious blessing after another indeed. My list was complete. At least for now.
My Prayer for today: I point to YOU Jesus. And only You! You are the One who gives me all I have ever needed. You have given me enough love and enough hope to shatter the mold of whatever I thought I wanted. Because really? All I needed. All I ever wanted. All along. Was You. And because I know I can trust You and that You are all things to me- I, like the writer of this gospel, will tell. I will sing. I will shout to the crowd, echoing the words of John 1:15:
This is the One I was talking about when I said, 'someone is coming who is far greater than I am', for He existed long before I did."
Yes, this is the One. And I trust Him fully.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Lent Day 1: Stealing Time
This year, I want to be more intentional in the days leading up to Easter. Sometimes it feels like it catches me off guard. I truly want to soak in the beauty and tragedy and glory of it all. So, I have decided to do that by observing the 40 day period known as Lent in the church world.
It's hard for me to narrow down one thing to give up for Lent. I saw a beautiful Tweet by Louie Giglio today that perfectly summarized my intentions for the next 40 days:
"For lent, I'm giving up. Jesus, be more than I could ever be."
I'm giving...up. Just, giving up. During the next forty days, I am going to Mary my way out of a Martha life. When pressure builds and I find my head spinning with chaos, I'm going to stop and retreat. I am going to steal back the time that so easily eludes me. I'm going to take the time and do something worthwhile...find myself at His feet hearing His voice. I hold on to too much and yet don't cling to the only One that matters. So I am letting go, giving up all of me. Each time I realize I am holding on to unnecessary things with too firm a grip, I am going to retreat- even for 5 minutes-into His presence and re-calibrate.
Today, during lunch time madness, I found my chance. I brewed by strong tea (I would have made a perfect English woman) and stole away to my desk for a few powerful minutes in the Word and prayer. Beginning in the book of John, Chapter 1, verses 1-14, I read and I scribbled out some notes. Here are the treasures I found and my reactions:
John 1: Christ, the Eternal Word
Life itself was in Him and this light gives light to everyone.
-----Thank You, God, for including me and making a way for me to see.----
The light shines through the darkness and the darkness can never extinguish it.
----Today, I thank You, Lord, for being the light that illuminates my life. There is no darkness that can overshadow Your power and peace----
The world did not recognize Him
------Lord, forgive me for not recognizing You at times.-------
But to all who accepted Him, He gave them the right to become children of God. They are reborn!
------I fully embrace and accept You, my Savior. Thank you for making me Your own. Give me a fresh start, a rebirth, allow me to bloom afresh like the crocus buds waiting eagerly under the frozen ground even now!----
He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness
------I know I can trust You, Lord!------
And we have seen His glory, the glory of the only Son of the Father.
-----Lord I have seen glimpses of You, but I desire to see more. Show me more of who You are and who I am in You.-----
My prayer for today is- Jesus, Light of the World, I repent for my narrow view of who You are and what You can do. Let me see Your light and let no corner of my heart or mind remain in darkness. I give up. You can have it all. Thank You for your love, Your faithfulness, and Your light.
It's hard for me to narrow down one thing to give up for Lent. I saw a beautiful Tweet by Louie Giglio today that perfectly summarized my intentions for the next 40 days:
"For lent, I'm giving up. Jesus, be more than I could ever be."
I'm giving...up. Just, giving up. During the next forty days, I am going to Mary my way out of a Martha life. When pressure builds and I find my head spinning with chaos, I'm going to stop and retreat. I am going to steal back the time that so easily eludes me. I'm going to take the time and do something worthwhile...find myself at His feet hearing His voice. I hold on to too much and yet don't cling to the only One that matters. So I am letting go, giving up all of me. Each time I realize I am holding on to unnecessary things with too firm a grip, I am going to retreat- even for 5 minutes-into His presence and re-calibrate.
Today, during lunch time madness, I found my chance. I brewed by strong tea (I would have made a perfect English woman) and stole away to my desk for a few powerful minutes in the Word and prayer. Beginning in the book of John, Chapter 1, verses 1-14, I read and I scribbled out some notes. Here are the treasures I found and my reactions:
John 1: Christ, the Eternal Word
Life itself was in Him and this light gives light to everyone.
-----Thank You, God, for including me and making a way for me to see.----
The light shines through the darkness and the darkness can never extinguish it.
----Today, I thank You, Lord, for being the light that illuminates my life. There is no darkness that can overshadow Your power and peace----
The world did not recognize Him
------Lord, forgive me for not recognizing You at times.-------
But to all who accepted Him, He gave them the right to become children of God. They are reborn!
------I fully embrace and accept You, my Savior. Thank you for making me Your own. Give me a fresh start, a rebirth, allow me to bloom afresh like the crocus buds waiting eagerly under the frozen ground even now!----
He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness
------I know I can trust You, Lord!------
And we have seen His glory, the glory of the only Son of the Father.
-----Lord I have seen glimpses of You, but I desire to see more. Show me more of who You are and who I am in You.-----
My prayer for today is- Jesus, Light of the World, I repent for my narrow view of who You are and what You can do. Let me see Your light and let no corner of my heart or mind remain in darkness. I give up. You can have it all. Thank You for your love, Your faithfulness, and Your light.
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