This is something I am learning slowly. I wouldn't come right out and say that I'm a Drama Queen, but I think some people would :) I like that author Beth Moore admits that she is a drama queen- "If you and I had the lives we keep asking God for, they would be so boring. If someone were reading them in a book, they would be put to sleep. This life is a place of drama. As you can imagine, I have been called a drama queen more times than a few, but I've got a drama King!"
I'm not really good with sickness for either myself or my children. I remember the first time Silas got a stomach virus when he was 2, it was like the world was literally going to end. I was devastated to see my child sick. And he was sick for a couple weeks with it- off again, on again. And to add to the troubles, I was nursing a 6 week old baby. And then Jarrod got it. And then I got it. And I still had to nurse a 6-week old baby and try to hold everyone else together. We have awesome family members who got us through that bleak couple of weeks in November of 2008, but I still can recall the negativity and despondency that gripped me firmly throughout the whole ordeal. I was pulled down into the depths of misery. But looking back, I realize that I was the one pulling.
We want someone to blame. We want to believe that God is in control, but then that thought leads to the question, "well, if He's in control, then why does He allow me to be sick?" So then you go to the other extreme, and say that Satan is to blame. I've been struggling with this idea and I think I have a good grip, at least for now, on what's going on in the midst of illness and suffering.
It's simple really.
1. When Adam sinned in the garden, illness, death, and sin came into the world. Being a citizen of the natural world and a descendent of the original sinner makes me vulnerable to illness and pain.
2. Satan wants us to be miserable, but I have a hard time believing that he's going around injecting us with germs or forcing our hands to touch a germ-ridden spot. I certainly believe he can oppress and mess with our health (Have you ever read the book of Job?) but I don't fully believe the idea that every time we get sick it's the devil out to get us. I will say though that I believe how we deal with rough times is either going to give him the victory overall, or give God the victory. Our response determines who gets the game point.
3. God is all-powerful and all-knowing. Not a single moment goes without His stamp of approval-including moments of illness and pain. This is a hard truth to swallow. God knows my kid has been throwing up all night. We have prayed, we have asked, we have faith that He can instantly heal. But for whatever reason, my kid couldn't even keep a couple sips of water in his body all night. So does God not care?
4. Of course He cares. He knows what's going on at all times. He has the power to heal or not heal but He wants us to be whole and He wants us to be well. But we have to understand as humans that there is a lot going on that we don't realize and we just have to trust and stay in tune with God through prayer and His word before, during, and after hard times come.
Beth Moore says it really well again: "If you and I are going to walk in trust, we have to set aside all those conditional elements until we can say, "God, I just trust You. I don't trust You to do what I tell You to do, in Jesus name. I'm going to choose to just trust You! I'm going to trust that even if my worst nightmare happens, You've got some purpose. There must be some huge glory at stake, things I do not understand until I see You face-to-face." We've got to know down in the depths of our hearts that God will take care of us and that even in painful situations, He must be about a huge work of glory. There must be much at stake in the heavenly realms."
So I am coming to realize that the event, be it sickness, disaster, chaos of whatever kind, is not of primary importance. What is of primary importance is our response to the event.
We have to come to the place where unconditional surrender and faith is our response to trials, not an unattainable idea that we wish we could grasp. We have to believe that there is a greater purpose and that our response will weigh heavily on heavenly situations and will be an authentic signal to the world that we know where our help comes from. We have to look at each situation we face and allow ourselves to experience pain and go through the hurt, but suffering and dwelling on negative feelings is truly our choice. The drama alternative is hardly worth the effort- take it from me. The alternative of releasing the outcome and resting in the peace and hope that God is in charge is so freeing.
Though we have a good mixture of stomach bugs and impending surgery right now, I have to say it's been a great couple of days to just relax and take it easy with my family. We have laughed and laughed this morning in the midst of all the yuck and we're going to relax together today and take it easy. That doesn't happen often enough- maybe it takes getting sick to realize what a treasure we have when we're healthy. Maybe it makes us all pull together and pull closer to God. Maybe it sets us up for a more consistent prayer life- the trick is to keep the prayers flowing even when health or stability return. Maybe it's a chance for us to see God as healer, provider, and sustainer.
Whatever the reason, I am convinced it must be a good trade for some reason and that my response is what counts. I have hope in Him and that is all the hope I need.
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Romans 5:1-5
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